Monday, December 29, 2014

Squeaky Toys 101

Good morning. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your erudite doggie instructor and squeaky toy expert Chester L. W. Spaniel.

Last week was Christmas. That means lots of humans and doggies received presents. Some of these presents were soft, fuzzy objects with stuffing inside of them. Some of these items had squeakers inside as well. In my mind, anything fuzzy and stuffed, with or without a squeaker, is a squeaky toy and should be remanded to me immediately for un-stuffing, and de-squeaking. Over the years, though, I've found out that I’m not supposed to do that to certain things. In order to avoid confusion, I've made up a list of factors to consider the next time any of you doggies out there are confronted with this conundrum.

So, when is a squeaky toy not a squeaky toy?

1. When it’s Mom’s slippers.
2. When it’s a doggie bed.

3. When it’s on Mom’s display cabinet.

4. When it’s a bed pillow.

5. When it’s a couch cushion.

6. When it’s the bathroom rug.

7. When it's Jason's hat and mittens.

8. When it's Mom's fuzzy winter coat.

9. When it chirps or squeals and tries to fight back, specifically birdies, toads, and bunnies. Please note however, you may disregard this rule if squirrels, shrews, chipmunks, or mousies are involved.

10. When it's the same size as our favorite miniature human, Ryan!

Any questions?


  1. I'm not sure about the Mum's slippers, or Dad's come to fink about it, they's fair game aren't they?
    The couch cushion also causes me a few problems (especially as "NO!" still isn't in my vocabulary)
    Maybe Jason and I could have a chat about the hat and mittens as well 'cos they are usually very chewable!
    Mmmm, I finks I've still got lots to learn
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  2. All this time we thought moms slippers were ours!
    Lily & Edward

  3. That is an awfully long list to remember!
    Mr Bailey & Hazel

  4. I just thought the slippers had been "de-squeeked" like that one toy that was really loud and seemed to make Mom and Dad go over to the shelf where the scotch is kept.

  5. OMD OMD We were going to use i 's fur Down Under Exclamations Points... BUTT you have SAVED the DAY... Alt 33 works like a ! Charm ! .... THANKS.... BUTT, Alas the Actual ! and 1 key is STILL BUSTED. BUSTED we Say... it is BUSTED ! i !
    Are you sure the list is THAT long?? OMD that last picture is FABULOUS iii ! ! !

  6. No 2. has me beat!! If Mum and Dad go out and leave me ....... goodbye bed!!!! If they want me to leave my bed alone then they have to learn not to leave ME alone. Why do we have to follow their rules. They NEVER follow ours!!

  7. MOL MOL MOL! Love your lists and rules! Happy Moanday!

  8. Holy crap! All this time, I thoughts doggie beds were meant to be bad.
    Wells, lesson learned...don't tell Ma. I guess that's why she only buys those memory foam ones now! BOL
    Your shrunken human is ADORABLES by the way....
    Ruby ♥

  9. You list of factors is an excellent one, Chester!

    Love ya lots♥
    Mitch and Molly

  10. So you can destuff every thing not on the list???

  11. I sometimes even try to destuff the carpet...I want to make it a comfy nesting site...

    I would love to try to sink my toothies into that huge teddy, BOL! But not until I give your mini-two-legger a nice sloppy kiss!