Greetings Earth doggies! Salutations Earth humans and kitties too! This is The Daily Bone and I'm your intrepid doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel. Welcome to a truly momentous occasion!
Dad was trying to put up some Christmas decorations. The first step of this arduous procedure involved cleaning off the very top of the TV cabinet. There, rolling in the ancient, primordial dust, he found an alien squeaky ball! Wow! (Cue the X-Files theme.) I had to go way back to July 29, 2013 to find the last known sighting of this mysterious blinking globe!
I was only allowed to play with this thing for a short time when my ghostwriter noticed it was coming apart in fragments as I tried to chew it. She worried that it might contain deadly radioactive chemicals that would turn me into a freak, so she took it away and hid it on the top shelf.
And, on this historic day, it was found! Here I am in my doggie bed squeaky toy research laboratory with the extraterrestrial orb, and another fascinating squeaky toy from my extensive collection.
|I want to believe.|
Being a science geek like the rest of my family I just HAD to find out what made it work. I quickly conducted an alien autopsy. Using my highly developed surgical squeaky toy dissection skills I removed the outer shell of the strange device. Now, ladies and gentlemen, doggies and kitties, here is an exclusive, never before seen photograph of the intricate innards of this amazing piece of alien technology!
First I'd like to point out that the piece I removed looks a lot like it could be the missing piece of the Death Star. It may be no coincidence that it came apart as it did! I wouldn't be surprised if Darth Vader showed up on my doorstep tomorrow morning to reclaim this artifact!
Next, you'll notice that the inner part looks a lot like a bone. However, have any of you ever seen a bone with embedded lights that blink like crazy? Perhaps it's a portal to another dimension! Or maybe it's an alien tracking device. Oh no! Now all the aliens will arrive and blow our pitiful planet to smithereens and we will be assimilated.
An alternate hypothesis is that it's part of a secret government weapons project that was never intended for public knowledge. Heavens knows what could happen if it got into the hands of our enemies!
If anyone has any theories about this mysterious device, please let me know right away!
Joey dog here. I think my supercilious associate has finally popped a sprocket and flipped his sonic screwdriver on this one!
|Hey! I heard that!|
Just remember, faithful readers: things are not always what they seem …