Saturday, May 10, 2014

Get Well Present

Hi. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your temporarily disabled doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

In an effort to lose weight, I kind of overdid it with the power walking. Now I have a hurting back leg. My humans said I’ve had this problem before and it usually gets better in a couple days. If not, then they’ll take me to the vet. Oh woe is me! I cannot jump up onto the furniture, go up the stairs (well, I can if properly motivated) or stand up to look out the window.

To make me feel a little better my humans decided to give me one of Professor Braydie Spiker’s alien technology squeaky toys from the cache she willed to me and my erudite colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel after she passed away. This was indeed a highly unusual squeaky toy in that it did not contain any fluffy stuffing or a squeaky component. Rather, it seemed to have some kind of crinkly liner incorporated between the outer and inner plush layers. Amazing! There were two small aliens hiding inside—perhaps this was their space ship!—but they escaped and jumped into the fruit bowl on the counter for some reason. Such is the strangeness of Professor Braydie’s top secret collection! I am honored to have inherited it.

What's this?

Mmmmmph. Fascinating texture.
Hollow interior. 

In the meantime, until I make a full recovery, Joey dog has assumed the role of top doggie. This is standard procedure in doggie society. An able-bodied doggie has to be the leader in our important homeland security mission. He could be a little less smug about it, though. 

If you’ll excuse me now, I have a lot of work to do analyzing this mysterious squeaky toy. I also have to figure out a way to coax those little alien creatures to come out of the fruit bowl so I can interview them and then pull all of their stuffing out. I will give a full report when I’m done. 

Thanks for saving us from certain death! We'll just pretend to be avocados now.

Murrrrphdurf mruflderf .

Now it’s time for a Yum Yum Coalition special report: 

Greetings food fans! Doggie Chief Inspector, Comestibles Division, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel here. Professor Braydie’s successor, Miss Charlee Puppy is striving to master proper food watching technique. Here she is observing some barbequed pizza.  Notice that she is politely restraining herself from making a grab for the whole thing. Very good, Charlee!

I will now demonstrate correct posture for food watching at the dinner table. The key to this technique is the alert sitting stance. A doggie should maintain an interested expression that conveys a grave concern about the possibility of falling food and willingness to catch any fragment before it hits the floor. Do not jump up unless invited. A slight head tilt and an occasional tail wag will ensure that your human will not be able to resist giving you any left overs. I’m certain that Charlee will quickly attain success with this technique. 

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