Hello ladies and gentlemen, doggies and kitties. This is your steadfast doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel, Chairman of the Squeaky Party.
Well, it’s getting to be that time of year again. Elections. I have been consulting with my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel (my campaign manager in 2012) in our Party headquarters (Mom’s office) about whether or not I should make a run for public office this year, or wait until 2016 and run for President again. As you might recall, the Squeaky Party stands for a free America, better jobs, lower taxes, and world peace. How will we do that? With squeaky toys!
We believe everyone should have a squeaky toy. How can you be hateful and angry if you have a wonderful squeaky toy to cheer you up? The design and manufacture of squeaky toys will provide jobs and create valuable products for trade with other countries. For countries with hostile attitudes towards us, carpet bomb them with missiles filled with squeaky toys. They will soon forget what they are so mad about!
“Well, Chester, you know politics has gotten a lot meaner in the past two years. I mean, what about your opponents? You know they will try to trash you with dirty political ads. Nowadays, the big thing is character assassination. They’ll try to find any little flaw in your character, or thing you might have done wrong, and blow it out of proportion so that you look like a criminal, a racist, a hater, or whatever. The first thing we have to do is be sure you don’t have any skeletons in the closet.”
"What? Why would anybody care about a couple bones in the closet?"