Sunday, July 6, 2014

Doggie Patrol (or Why We Can’t Have Nice Things in the Back Yard)

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your hard-working doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

We doggies have a very difficult job. My canine cohort Special Agent Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I are in charge of defending our home and territory 24/7! We keep a close watch on the Evil Squirrel Cartel, the Conniving Chipmunk Consortium, the Miscellaneous Mousie Mob, the Bunny Militia, and all sorts of other thugs, thieves and miscreants. To do this we must search and sniff every inch of the yard every time we go out. Sometimes we have to trample through bushes and foliage when we suspect criminal activity.

Here I go, snuffling through the bush. Sometimes toads like to hide
under here, especially after it rains. 

I often encounter spiders, like this beautiful daddy-long-legs one. 

I am now entering the echinacea zone: a popular hide-out for shrews. 

It’s a jungle in there! 

Crashing through the hostas scanning for slugs and snails. 

I occasionally risk serious bodily harm when I get near the rose bush. I’ve gotten snagged on the thorns a few times.

Joey dog and I coordinate our efforts to trample down those pesky irises. It’s vital to keep this area clear because it’s directly under the window bird feeder. Mousies like to sneak under there and steal fallen seeds. (For some reason, we always get yelled at when we do this.)

OK. Check this out. Shrews and chipmunks love to go up into the corner molding right here. You see the area behind my right hind foot where the lavender is dead? It’s taken an entire winter of peeing on this spot to accomplish this. It should be no question that this exact spot is off limits to all rodents!

I’m certain I smelled a shrew in here. A thorough search is in order. 

Wow, that’s a lot of work! I’m going to have to lie down now! 

I’m not entirely sure our humans appreciate all the work that goes into homeland security. I often get the feeling that they are not too happy about the state of the flowers. But it would be terrible if a squirrel or a mousie or something got into the garage or the house. Well, nobody said it would be an easy job. And that’s a memo.

Update: 8:00PM

I went out again and practically tore up the hostas here. But I found a great big shrew. It beat a hasty retreat through the lilac bush and then out of the yard.

I am a good hunter!


  1. It are tuff being Head of Security, ain't it?

  2. Crikey, mate ....... I call that good huntin'. You sure have a lot to patrol!! No wonder you get so worn out, aye????

  3. Chester, you and Joseph have some very much DIFFICULT work that MUST be done... OFTEN and WELL.
    We MUST say.... you are a SHREWd Hunter. BaaaWaaah.