This is The Daily Bone and I'm your diligent doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.
As you know, the Great Grackle Flying PTA (Poop Tossers Association) has arrived from their tropical vacations this week. Now their lady friends are here too. In fact, I saw Miss Mimsy Crapindoodle being courted by a half dozen suitors at a time, showing off their greasy feathers and making the most dissonant, screechy, squawking I've ever heard. They've also been snarfing up all the birdie seeds from our feeders. And NOW, they have the nerve to complain. Check out this blowhard:
My name is Mr. Boudreaux S. Buttpaste Esquire. Behind me are my solicitors, Junior Slimeysquirt, and Slick Flightysplat of the Law Offices of Dingy and Dungy Greedyeater. I would like to register a complaint regarding this food emporium! As you can plainly see, the two hanging feeders are completely empty, as is this window feeder. In addition, the suet cakes are running low.
I'm giving you a warning that if your birdie food supplies are not replenished by 3 O'Clock this afternoon, there will be a lengthy legal battle. We will also proceed to defame you on social media. You will find our subpoena written in grackle poop below the feeders.
|They've GOT to be kidding me, right?|
|BARK BARK BARK!|
|I know how to deal with that rabble.|
|Here's my reply to that subpoena!|
Got rid of those ungrateful grackles for sure! And their frivolous lawsuit too!
Sid Starling was happy about that.
|Good job, Chester!|
|Besides, everyone should know,|
|The suet belongs to me! Yum!|
Oh, and there is supposed to be a big winter storm headed our way later today. I bet that'll freeze the pinfeathers off those stinky old grackles! Stay tuned for updates.
One hour later: