Greetings everyone. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your fearless doggie reporter
Chester L. W. Spaniel.
As more and more birdies return from their tropical vacations, we've had more threats from the Great Grackle Flying PTA (Poop Tossers Association.) Check out this pompous slime ball:
|Hey you! Dog face! Yeah, you!|
My name is Mr. Seedy Stinkeye, and I represent the Law Firm of Wormgobbler and Dungspatter. I'm here to inform you that we, along with the Law Offices of Dingy and Dungy Greedyeater, and the entire Great Grackle Flying PTA are considering a class action suit against your birdie food emporium, and the fact that the feeders are still empty, and the suet cake continues to decline in size.
Perhaps you don't realize that the glorious Great Grackle Flying PTA has usurped and claimed all of the surrounding evergreens and the local food sources for the purpose of nest building and the rearing of this years generation of gorgeous and gifted grackle gargoyles—oops, I mean offspring.
If you don't fill the birdie feeders with prime quality birdie seeds by 5PM today, we will proceed to bombard your humans' house and cars with gigantic, gloppy grackle droppings!
Oh yeah? And who gave you the deed to our neighborhood? I'm sure the rest of the birdies don't appreciate you and your belligerent gang of litigious poop mongers!
|Sir Bertram Robin: You're darn tootin we don't!|
|Debbie Dove: Those grackles are very rude and mean.|
|Sid Starling: Yeah, who do they think they are?|
I'll have you know, Mr. Stinkeye, my humans are deliberately not filling up the feeders so you bossy grackles will get out of town! Furthermore, I, Chester L. W. Spaniel represent the Double Doggie Homeland Security System and we specialize in protecting our territory from bullies of all kinds. If you would like more information, I'm sure the Evil Squirrel Cartel will attest to my effectiveness.
|You tell 'em Chester!|
|And by the way, have you noticed my glossy new summer feathers?|