This is the Daily Bone, and I'm your proficient doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.
Be very very quiet, and just watch.
Hee-yup! Whew, that was a big jump!
Hmmph. No one here.
I guess I'll just check out the goodies!
Ooooooooooooo! Sunflower seeds! Num num num num num num num!
Whoa! Hello. I didn't see you there.
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fatty White-ears. You might have seen me foraging around the area over the past several months. Please do not confuse me with my sassy, and impudent brother alias Twinkletoes, and assume I'm going to demand a peanut butter sandwich.
Because that would be just plain rude. But, ah, I suppose you're wondering what I'm doing up here.
Well, I was just checking to see if there are enough sunflower seeds for the cute little birdies.
You see, I wouldn't want the nice sparrows to go hungry. Besides I've got season tickets to the Sparrows Incorporated Kick-boxing Championship Games at the Arbor Vitae Convention Center. Oh, I could probably get some for you too. There are still ring side seats available.
Since I'm here, maybe we can work out a deal , you know … um … Hey, I can get you some great real estate. They just have to drain the swamp and then …
Can I bark him yet?
Are you sure you wouldn't want to take a look at my portfolio? I've got some great opportunities for life insurance. Only ten nuts a month! And there's no extra charge in case you're flattened by a car. You know like my Uncle Tidbits last year. They had to scrape him up with a spatula. Or how about storage facilities for your nuts? You know these days you can never depend on returns on your investments. I've got a bridge I can sell you too. Oh, what if I guard the birdie feeders for you so you can take a nap instead of …
What a persistent little bugger! Sheesh!