Good afternoon. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your dedicated doggie reporter
Chester L. W. Spaniel.
I was doing my routine surveillance rounds at my drive- through barking window, and look who showed up! It's alias Twinkletoes hanging upside-down from the suet cage! Remember, he's that rude squirrel that thinks I'm supposed to give him a peanut butter sandwich.
He didn't jump away when he saw me. In fact, he was quite brash and impolite!
"Hey you! Yeah you, dogface. I'm talkin' to you. Where's that peanut butter sandwich you owe me? All ya got here is a dried up old hunk of bread!"
"I hope you realize the interest on that is 87%. Per day! You owe me big time!"
"Yo, and one more thing: ya got dog snots all over this window!"
"The next time I come back here, there better be 87 peanut butter sandwiches stuffed in this feeder, or else I'm taking out a contract on you, dogbreath! Yeah, I'm calling Knuckles Woodchuck. He takes no prisoners! Buwahahaha! And I ain't kidding either!"
The nerve of that guy! Imagine that little pipsqueak calling me names and making threats!
Little does he know, I've got reinforcements too.
|Make him an offer he can't refuse, Chester.|
|Hey wait a minute. Did he say peanut butter sandwiches?|
|How's about I eat all those peanut butter sandwiches! And Chester, you go out and chase him.|
The Double Doggie Homeland Security System:
Snarfing peanut butter sandwiches,
So you don't have to.
And barking is always free.
NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH
We have an important announcement! Remember we have been talking about the Green Moon Event that is supposed to happen tonight? We just found out it was a hoax!!!! Please refer to the website below for more on this. The Daily Bone apologizes for this misinformation.
However, the moon will still be full tonight. That means I'll hopefully be talking with my dearest Princess Leah later via our secret moon phone. We hope all you doggies out there get outside and do some howling as well!