Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Easter Bunny

Hello! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

Wow. I just caught a glimpse of the Easter Bunny on TV. He’s over six feet tall, with big long upright ears and huge eyes! He was all fuzzy and white, like a gigantic squeaky toy, and wearing brightly colored clothes. If I ever ran into him face to face, I would be terrified! I’ve obviously underestimated the size and might of this enemy. He’s certainly not what I previously envisioned: a regular little furry brown rabbit. I noticed that this TV Easter Bunny is not secretive at all, and always appears to be surrounded by laughing little children—these must be his minions—and he seems to be encouraging them to roll eggs around on the ground. (This took place at the White House of all places!) I have yet to figure out what kind of treachery this might be. This is turning out to be even more confusing than Halloween! My humans have assured me that this Easter Bunny is just a person dressed in a costume. I’m sorry, but now I’m just lost. I think I’ll go hide under the bed until it’s all over.

The other part of Easter seems to be a bunch of old guys, dressed in table cloths and funny hats, marching around saying prayers to throngs of people who are very joyful about it. This is the religious side of the holiday. I have said before that human religions are something my doggie mind doesn’t quite comprehend. What I think it represents is the idea that someone smarter than everyone else is in charge of things. Usually this higher power encourages people to be kind and loving and generous towards other people, and this is a common thread in most religions. OK, now for the big question: why does it seem that religions are always fighting with each other? You can go back in history and find that religion has been the root of many wars and conflicts through the ages, from the Crusades, to the Holocaust, and then to the unrest in the Middle East that is still going on today. I guess this is a paradox I will never understand. But I can say this: come on, humans. You all believe the same thing. Your higher power, whomever he may be, wants you to have a good life and to be nice to others. Get busy with that! As I’ve suggested many times already, fill those missiles and bombs with squeaky toys, and see what happens. I’m sure even your higher power will be rolling on the floor laughing and having fun. And that’s a memo. 

In other news, my esteemed associate, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I tried to see what would happen if we rolled an egg around.

OK, now what?
What the … ?
This isn't too bad. 
The results were messy and somewhat tasty, but, alas, inconclusive.
We’re going to need another one in order to complete our investigation. 

Oh and one more thing: As our resident toxicology expert and founder of the Yum Yum Coalition, Joey dog would like to remind us again of the dangers of eating chocolate. 

May I have your attention please. Although delicious, chocolate is a deadly poison to doggies. Do not give chocolate to doggies or leave it where they might find it. If your doggie does happen to eat some chocolate, quickly give him a big spoonful of hydrogen peroxide. This will make him vomit up the chocolate. Then take him to the emergency vet right away for further treatment. I would also like to point out that Easter is not just scary costumes, dangerous chocolate, and unfathomable human traditions. It also means there will be food, like baked ham or lamb, potatoes, broccoli, asparagus, bread and butter, cheese, eggs, salad, cake, and lots of other good stuff! According to the Yum Yum Coalition Safe Food Directory, all those things are OK for doggies to eat. Just remember, no chocolate for doggies! Have a nice day.


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