Facebook?

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

I have been thinking about possibly getting my own facebook. I always look at my ghost writer’s facebook and see all kinds of weird, funny and amazing things. 

To this I comment: huh?

My dignified and erudite associate, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, Doggie Chief Inspector, comestibles division, says he should be on my facebook too.

Then he could answer important food-related questions, like this one: is a double yolk egg a bad omen? According to the Yum Yum Coalition Safe Yum Yums Directory, the answer is simple: no. It is a promise of potential yumminess. If you are still in doubt, just give the double yolk eggs to your nearest doggie! I assure you, doggies are not the least bit superstitious, especially when it comes to yum yums.

Here are some new friends I would only have known about through facebook:

Doozer from Columbus, Ohio.

Ratchet from Columbus, Ohio too. 

Cub from Skaneateles New York. 

I have also discovered that being fat isn’t so bad. There is an artist who loves to draw, and then share on facebook, jolly, rotund characters like these:

So to our new friend Molly in the UK, tell your human she should put you on an all-you-can-eat diet! Don’t worry. You will never look like Godzilla. You will only get cuter, like me. Visit Molly on the address below.

www.mollythewally.blogspot.com

Finally, here is one last item: a link to a report on dog kisses entitled, “How Dirty Are Your Dog’s Kisses?”

Pucker up!

how-dirty-are-your-dogs-kisses

So what do you think? Facebook or not?  

Not Enough Time

Hello. This is your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel reporting for The Daily Bone, along with my associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel.

My ghost writer has been working a lot of hours at the nursing home lately so we haven't been able to keep up with our journalism. But don't worry. We're working on several interesting subjects, including food, funny pictures, sites, and videos, current events both local and world wide, politics, and, of course, squeaky toys. We also have some new friends to introduce, whom we're very excited about. Gotta run now!

See you soon! 

Conspiracy Theories

Hello there. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your stupified doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

We just saw some videos of doggies and squirrels playing together. Neither my stunned associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel nor I can believe our own eyes! In fact, when we both got over the shock, we agreed this must be a conspiracy of some kind. Doggies are supposed to chase squirrels. A good portion of our Homeland Security efforts go into chasing the Evil Squirrel Cartel off our property, and we are aptly rewarded for our diligence in this matter. The only way we could rationalize the behaviors we were seeing was to deduce that the doggies in the videos were specially trained to 

tolerate the close proximity of squirrels.

                                                                           

This may be a ploy to discover how to defeat them. After all, the Evil Squirrel Cartel is responsible for lots of mischief, thievery, and even property damage. Joey dog is reminded of the time our humans had to clean out the shed after some squirrels had used it as their command center for their covert operations for a winter. What a gigantic, stinky mess they had made! 

Or perhaps the squirrels in the videos were genetically modified to not be afraid of doggies. Our doggie brains went into a tail spin when imagining the consequences of that scenario. Squirrels would be unafraid to invade our homes, take the humans hostage, and force them into slavery to the benefit of squirrel kind, and doggies would be powerless to stop them. On the other hand, the doggies might be setting up a trap. By inviting friendship between squirrels and doggies, the squirrels might feel complacent about entering our houses freely, and then find out too late that they’ve been tricked and lured to their ignoble end instead. 

We thought about this some more, and decided we’ve been watching too many conspiracy theory TV shows. Our human told us that the doggies and squirrels had probably been together since they were babies, and therefore like each other. They also said that some humans actually like (gag) squirrels and have them as pets. This still sounds kind of fishy to us, but to each his own! We decided to resume our important homeland security surveillance activities and act as though we had never seen those videos. 

Squirrel spotted at ten o'clock. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Now we have a quick update on Miss Charlee Puppy. She has discovered the comfort of pillows! 

Feeling Better

This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

You know how I said I had a hurting leg? It seems that the problem has disappeared. Yesterday there were a lot more important things to do besides moping around feeling sorry for myself.

I got the chance to do some further exploration in the compost pile. There were new loads of weeds and dandelions piled on it, along with some grapefruit rinds, vegetable peels, egg shells, and best of all, rotten potatoes. You just haven’t lived unless you have smelled a rotten potato! I still haven’t found the resident mousie in there.

There has been constant drama going on in the birdie world. The big old crow can’t go anywhere without an entourage of squawking grackles. They dive bomb him and follow him everywhere he goes. Here he is sitting atop the roof of the house next door. (I think he just enjoys the attention from those pissed off grackles.) A few blue jays joined in the rumpus too, along with some combat robins, and vigorously scolding  sparrows.

We also had a visit by our favorite miniature human. He has learned to screech amazingly loudly, and we had a number of wonderful, high decibel conversations. I don’t think the other humans appreciated us because they kept telling us to be quiet. I think there’s nothing wrong with speaking up as loudly as you can. He’s even learned to almost say “doggie.” Hooray! 

He also enjoyed watching the beautiful, bright yellow  gold finches in the window feeder. Take a hint from me: nature is much better than television or video games. 

Get Well Present

Hi. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your temporarily disabled doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

In an effort to lose weight, I kind of overdid it with the power walking. Now I have a hurting back leg. My humans said I’ve had this problem before and it usually gets better in a couple days. If not, then they’ll take me to the vet. Oh woe is me! I cannot jump up onto the furniture, go up the stairs (well, I can if properly motivated) or stand up to look out the window.

To make me feel a little better my humans decided to give me one of Professor Braydie Spiker’s alien technology squeaky toys from the cache she willed to me and my erudite colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel after she passed away. This was indeed a highly unusual squeaky toy in that it did not contain any fluffy stuffing or a squeaky component. Rather, it seemed to have some kind of crinkly liner incorporated between the outer and inner plush layers. Amazing! There were two small aliens hiding inside—perhaps this was their space ship!—but they escaped and jumped into the fruit bowl on the counter for some reason. Such is the strangeness of Professor Braydie’s top secret collection! I am honored to have inherited it.

What's this?

Mmmmmph. Fascinating texture.

Hollow interior. 

In the meantime, until I make a full recovery, Joey dog has assumed the role of top doggie. This is standard procedure in doggie society. An able-bodied doggie has to be the leader in our important homeland security mission. He could be a little less smug about it, though. 

If you’ll excuse me now, I have a lot of work to do analyzing this mysterious squeaky toy. I also have to figure out a way to coax those little alien creatures to come out of the fruit bowl so I can interview them and then pull all of their stuffing out. I will give a full report when I’m done. 

Thanks for saving us from certain death! We'll just pretend to be avocados now.

Murrrrphdurf mruflderf .

Now it’s time for a Yum Yum Coalition special report: 

Greetings food fans! Doggie Chief Inspector, Comestibles Division, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel here. Professor Braydie’s successor, Miss Charlee Puppy is striving to master proper food watching technique. Here she is observing some barbequed pizza.  Notice that she is politely restraining herself from making a grab for the whole thing. Very good, Charlee!

I will now demonstrate correct posture for food watching at the dinner table. The key to this technique is the alert sitting stance. A doggie should maintain an interested expression that conveys a grave concern about the possibility of falling food and willingness to catch any fragment before it hits the floor. Do not jump up unless invited. A slight head tilt and an occasional tail wag will ensure that your human will not be able to resist giving you any left overs. I’m certain that Charlee will quickly attain success with this technique. 

Sorry

Hello up there. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your humble and penitent doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel along with my remorseful and somewhat embarrassed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel.

We just wanted to say sorry to our humans for keeping them up all last night. It was a really big thunderstorm. There was bright flashing lightning, and loud scary thunder, and pounding rain, and howling wind. All we wanted to do is climb into bed with you and hide under the covers. Joey was the most scared. He doesn't like things that go blink and boom.

There was another thunderstorm today. It wasn't quite as scary because it was still light out and our humans were all sitting in the living room with us.

Can you ever forgive us?

We promise to be quiet and good tonight so that everybody can sleep, as long as there isn't another thunderstorm!

Everything's Polarized

Greetings. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel, chairman of the Squeaky Party, where we believe squeaky toys are the key to world peace.

I know I’ve neglected my political commentary again. I haven’t been too inclined to sit and watch the news lately. I’d rather be outside in the nice weather. But the gist of it seems to be the politicizing of everything either to the left or the right. If one side doesn’t agree with the other on something, be it food stamps, illegal aliens, first, second and fifth amendment rights, the ACA, climate issues, world affairs, gay marriage, pipelines, desert tortoises, the economy, taxes, energy sources, marijuana, Bengazi, the IRS, unemployment, etc. the other turns it into a condemnation and then attaches some kind of stigma to it so that it looks like if you don’t agree, then you’re a dummy or worse, a villain. There is no middle ground, only polarization. Character assassination is rampant. And both sides are doing it!!! Anyone who has any aspirations of running for president in 2016 is shot down by the PC police and/or the scandal mongers. Meanwhile, the President is going to fancy dinner parties, and making nebulous speeches stating that he's actively assessing the situation, whatever it may be. I probably should think about running for some kind of political office to represent the Squeaky Party, and insert some sanity, non-partisanship, and common sense into things, but I don’t want to become embroiled in this mess! It seems politics these days is for masochists. So if you’ll excuse me, there’s a squirrel to chase right now, and some non-polarized sunshine to enjoy.