Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Sparrows Incorporated

Hello loyal readers. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your diligent doggie reporter 
Chester L. W. Spaniel.

Today there were lots of sparrows at our window feeder. They loved the suet dispensers Dad tacked onto the sides of the box. They loved it so much that they approached me with a business proposal. 

I should probably give you a bit of back-story at this point. There is a large population of house sparrows who have frequent and very noisy conventions in the arborvitae hedge a couple yards over. See that row of tall green bushes on the right, just beyond the red Japanese maple in the picture below?  In addition to being a sparrow social entertainment center, those bushes are their corporate headquarters, as well as a high rise luxury sparrow apartment complex. Considering the numbers of them that go in and out of there at all times of the day, whether they're having a boisterous rock concert or quietly finding a nice perch for the night, this location seems to have an extraordinarily high amount of birdie traffic.

As you might know, although I am a bird doggie by breed, I have learned not to bark at the little birdies who visit the feeder. So today, the CEO of Sparrows Incorporated, Mr. Mortimer Seedcruncher, approached me with a business proposition.

Greetings Mr. Spaniel. What a lovely cafeteria you have here! 

He summoned his secretary, Miss Millet, to take notes.

Hello. My name is Emily Millet.

This was the proposal:

1. I, Chester L. W. Spaniel, will make sure Dad fills the feeders frequently, and continues to provide suet cakes as well.

2. I make sure the Evil Squirrel Cartel doesn't plunder said feeders. 

3. In addition, I will bark at the larger bully birds, e.g. grackles, so that they do not hog up all the seeds and pick on Mr. Seedcruncher's large extended family, associates, and protegĂ©s. 

4. He, Mr. Seedcruncher, will allow other smaller birdies, e.g. chickadees, finches, downy woodpeckers, etc. access to the seeds and suet cakes. 

5. He will also provide a free pass to, specifically, blue jays and cardinals because they usually do not harass the smaller birdies. 

6. In return for this, Mr. Seedcruncher will purchase the arborvitae bushes growing behind the back fence of our property for the purpose of expanding his real estate endeavors in this neighborhood.

7. He will also provide free access to me, my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, and my humans to any and all birdie entertainment events, specifically chirping contests, sparrow music festivals, weddings or divorce proceedings, sparrow fellowship conventions, and sparrow kick-boxing exhibitions.

Seriously, have you ever seen house sparrows fighting? It's no holds barred! 

I trust everything is in order Mr. Spaniel, and we can look forward to a lucrative business partnership in this venture. If you'll excuse me now, Miss Millet and I have to take a break for dining purposes. 

Gee whiz! How can I say no to a deal like that? I guess I'd better get to work!

Oh, and here's a picture of the moon last night. I hope my dear Princess Leah had a chance to see it too. It was all fuzzy and spooky peeking through the trees and the misty clouds. 


  1. Wow, that is quite the proposal! Personally I would still chase them! It does sound like you have a bunch of work ahead of you. Good luck!

  2. Sounds like a pawfect plan to me, your sparrows are very friendly!
    And yes my darling handsome Chester, I was *sighing* at the moon, as I do every night!!!!!!
    What a great Halloween moon it is at the moment
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  3. those are some pretty demanding birdies you have there

  4. Our dad would love watching all our birds, and feeding them, he misses that.
    stella rose

  5. Mom is hoping all the little birds that lived in our tree will not come back next year. It was difficult cause they pooped all over everything and made leaves drop from the tree. Can we send them your way?
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

  6. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! BIRDS! In our yard it is the starlings who fight. They are very, very loud. And very, very annoying!

  7. Firstly, that moon looks great, I saw it all misty and spooky and thought that it looked wonderful for Halloween! Secondly, I too enjoy watching the sparrows in my garden play, fight and feed, they sure do provide hours of entertainment for the whole house and to actually get to speak to the CEO of Sparrows Incorporated, none other than Mr. Mortimer Seedcruncher and working out a business deal together, now that is pawsome, there are definitely some good conditions in the contract that you have wrote up, it really works for both dogs, sparrows, other birds and humans alike, you should join the United Animal Nations with your skills! Love and Licks from your furiend Frank XxxxxxxxX

  8. Sounds like a pretty good deal to us. If only you could get those bluejays to divebomb the squirrels.

    Woos - Ciara and Lightning

  9. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Our kitties would luv watchin dem burdies.

  10. You are quite the negotiator, Chester!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

  11. That was some proposal, Chester. Are you still thinkin' on it?

  12. Them sparrows sure know how to get what they want! BOL!!