Tax Day

Good afternoon everybody. This is The Daily Bone, and I’m your fiscally responsible doggie host, Chester L. W. Spaniel, chairman of the Squeaky Party.

Well, today is tax day. That means the humans should be finished with the complicated task of figuring out how much money they owe the government based on last year’s income. From what I’ve heard, tax day is almost as bad as the end of the world (again.) People stay up all night, scrambling to get the paperwork done, ruining their health from the stress of it all, drinking large amounts of caffeinated beverages, or just as much alcoholic ones, and then waiting in long lines at the Post Office in order to get all this mess mailed out to the IRS. Some people will have to pay the government more money, and some will get a refund, depending on a myriad of diabolically contrived factors.

My erudite associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel is helping me with my squeaky toy inventory. He's in the corner doggie bed squeaky toy research area right now doing a squeaky toy appraisal.

I recently did an inventory of all my squeaky toys. I separated out all the ones I had obtained in 2013. Do I have to include the ones I received as gifts? For example, as you might remember, Professor Braydie Spiker passed away and bequeathed to me a whole box of wonderful, amazing, delightful, fascinating squeaky toys from her personal top secret paranormal squeaky toy research archives. My humans are holding most of them in a trust fund so that I don’t dissect, unstuff, and chew them all up at once. In fact, I don’t even know how many there are and what they’re worth. Perhaps I shouldn’t have even mentioned this. What if the IRS decides to audit me? Then there’s that box full of marvelous, fantastic, amusing, whimsical, and glorious squeaky toys Auntie Pat and her cat Tricky sent me about a year ago. There’s no way the IRS can prove I had them, is there? You know what? This is rather nerve wracking. 

Maybe I need to file for an extension. 

Signs of Spring

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your hopeful doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

It hasn’t snowed in almost two weeks. Could this mean winter is finally through? When I look out the window I see lots of birds flying through the trees, hopping on the ground, and catching worms. The grackles are squawking and showing off their shiny feathers. The robins are in combat mode over territory—in fact, they start their singing competition at four in the morning! The gold finches are changing their olive drab winter feathers for their bright yellow summer ones. A few flowers are blooming; a month late, I might add. Members of the Evil Squirrel Cartel have been spotted foraging on the ground, eating maple tree seeds, and that's OK with me. Big, fat mourning doves sit on the ground under the bird feeder, and nap in the warm sunshine. I dare to say that Spring is finally here in Western New York. I'll remain mindful, though, that in 2009, we had snow in May!

Another sign of Spring is the covert arrival of Easter bunnies. I’ve chased a few bunnies, and have even caught a couple during my career as a home security expert. Unlike squirrels, bunnies cannot just scamper up into the nearest tree. Instead, they run around and around the yard and are lots of fun to chase. These Easter type bunnies, though, are armed with poisonous chocolate disguised as eggs. To make their subterfuge even more confusing, sometimes they dye regular white eggs with bright, pastel colors. Then they mix all that up with other kinds of egg shaped candy called jelly beans, and hide them among the fake grass in their special arsenal carrier device called an Easter basket. This is then secretly delivered to houses everywhere. Somehow, these sneaky bunnies, egg-shaped candy, colored eggs, fake grass and baskets represent an annual religious event. Once again human traditions and holidays confuse the heck out of me!

I’m going to pause here for a moment. My concerned associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel has an important public service announcement from the Yum Yum Coalition to all you doggies out there: do not eat the chocolate eggs. They will kill you. But you can eat everything else, including the bunny if you happen to be able to catch him. 

Remember, no chocolate for doggies!

This is a photo of snow on the lilacs in May 2009! 

Dog Shaming

Hello everybody! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your unimpeachable doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel, along with my impeccable and well mannered associate Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens. Unlike a certain popular song, we are not guilty cocker spaniels! I just found out that there’s a new video about dog shaming.

The very first TDB I ever wrote was about my outrage at www.dogshaming.com I spoke about the fact that almost all of the doggies who were supposedly guilty of some misdeed were actually framed by their irresponsible humans who left things lying around for curious or hungry doggies to find. Joey dog would like to point out that, according to the Yum Yum Coalition "Safe Yum Yums Directory" certain things are dangerous or deadly for doggies, like chocolate, sugar free gum and candy, and medications, and these things should never be left where your doggie might find them. Next, teach your doggie what is and isn’t OK to chew up. Really, doggies are very smart and will soon learn. Then, never leave your doggie home alone for a long time. Doggies are like children and will get worried, lonely, or bored when you’re gone for a long time, and might be tempted to work through this by chewing up the couch cushions. Finally, how would you like to be stuck in a room for ten hours with nothing to do and no bathroom?

When I was a puppy I used to think everything in the house was mine for the taking. But after a while, I learned what items were no no items: Mom’s doll collection, Dad’s CPAP machine, and the arm of the chair. (See photo: I did that when I was little, but would never do that now!) Joey dog and I can say we’re good doggies and … 

OK, then who was it that peed on the leg of Dad’s favorite chair?

And who was it that scooched his butt on the rug in Mom's office?

Ahem. Here’s the link to that guilty dog video to get your mind off our little, um, accidents. We would also like to direct your attention to a certain guilty cat video. Heheheh. 

Oh, this just in: bugs in a bag! Wow! Bugs! In a bag! And Elvis the gecko gets to eat them! Go Elvis! What a great day! Bugs in a bag! Bark bark bark bark! Bugs in a bag! Woooooohoooo! Bugs! Bark bark bark! In a bag! 

Yummy!

Update: Wednesday morning.

Did YOU do that?

Did you DO that? 

Did you do THAT?

DID you do that? 

CHESTER did that?!!

The Cute and Fuzzy Ad

Hello everyone! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your amiable doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

I realize that I haven’t been keeping up with my political commentary for some time. It’s not that I’m more interested in having fun playing in the abundant snow and mud lately. But there really hasn’t been anything new going on in politics. In fact, I’m tempted to start calling the News the Olds.

For one thing, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with the constant banter (read: mud slinging) over the ACA. Incidentally, my learned colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I became quite annoyed when we saw that ad with the singing pets urging their owners to enroll today. Since when does obeying the law have to be cute and fuzzy? I suppose next we’ll have adorable singing pets urging people not to engage in armed robbery, grand theft auto, assault with a deadly weapon, or credit card fraud. And what do doggies and other pets have to do with health insurance for humans? Is O-Care going to provide subsidized coverage for pets too?

Cough!

So we doggies flicked through the channels to try to glean some other news. It turns out there are elections being held in India. There were earth quakes in Chile. They still haven’t found that missing jet plane. There is a strange game called Cricket which is hugely popular in countries other than the United States. Some women in Bangladesh want to participate in the sport of wrestling. Baseball season is proceeding in here in Rochester NY despite the late Spring. There was a shooting at Fort Hood again.

And now it's time for the doggie weather report:

It's raining out. 

The ground is soggy.

Yup. It's raining.

Can I come in now?

To round off our report, here is an intriguing video my human found today. Every time this video plays, I come running from where ever I am in the house. 

It’s a squeaky toy! Where’s the squeaky toy. I know I heard a squeaky toy!
Squeaky squeaky squeaky! 

Squeaky toy! Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark!

Oh, and one more thing: When can we get a great big  fish for our bathtub????

Joey dog Speaks Up

This is The Daily Bone and I'm your dignified doggie host Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel.

Today my associate Chester L. W. Spaniel did some Spring cleaning and sorted out the items in his squeaky toy storage facility. He found an old toy at the bottom of the basket and proceeded to play with it. 

Dork.

Agents of Evil

Good evening readers. This is The Daily Bone. I’m your doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

We have a grave concern today. For the past week, there have been crows hanging around the neighborhood. My esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I have noticed a pair of them sitting in the upper branches of the silver maple tree, cawing loudly. Sometimes they have some of their friends join them for some raucous ariel stunts. While this was amusing to watch, we couldn’t help but think about the problem the City of Rochester NY has with these birds. At night thousands of crows all head for the city to roost in gigantic, noisy flocks, socializing and pooping. We hope they aren’t planning to start a night club here! Joey dog and I will do our best to bark at them.

We also heard that they like to steal eggs and babies from other birds’ nests. Crazy Bird, the angry red cardinal, and his frenetic wife won’t be very happy about that. Neither will the battalion of sparrows in the arbor vitae bushes. The robins and grackles and mourning doves will be horrified. And the chickadees—oh no, not the chickadees!—chipping sparrows and house finches won’t be safe either! 

Meanwhile, the Evil Squirrel Cartel has been sneaking around everywhere. We have not seen any operatives from the CCC (Conniving Chipmunk Consortium) or the Bunny Militia yet. But we doggies have caught the scent of certain members of the Miscellaneous Mousie Mob. They have been foraging along the foundations of the house, under the bird feeder, and for some reason, under last years echinacea. 

This picture of me sticking my nose under the snow to find mousie
tracks, is from yesterday.

Well, it sounds like Special Agent Joey and I have our work cut out for us! But homeland security is what we doggies are best at. Bring it on! 

In other news, the snow is melting fast. The yard is a great slushy mess right now full of puddles and mud. If this thaw keeps up, I will probably be jumping in and out of the bathtub several times tomorrow to wash the mud off my feet. I can’t wait!  

Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens here with some good advice. Just say NO to mud (and unnecessary baths!) 

Never Say Never

Good morning ladies and gentlemen and doggies! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your excited doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel along with my energetic colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel.

Wow! Look what happened overnight! Snow! Now I know I said two TDBs ago that we were done with romping through the snow. I was wrong. So should I say now that today will be our last snow day? It’s March 30 already. Spring is supposed to be here. We should have lots of flowers by now and green grass and baby birds and leaves on the trees. It seems the weather in WNY is more fickled and contrary than ever.

I imagine there are a lot of humans out there who are groaning and complaining about this stuff, especially if they have to shovel it and go to work. It’s heavy and wet, and the snow plow just heaved great big piles of it off the road and onto the bottom of every driveway. Well, we aren’t going anywhere today. Lets just stay home and enjoy this wonderful gift from the great Polar Vortex. 

WoooooHooooo!