Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Doggie Aerobics

This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

OK, I think we’re taking this exercise thing a bit too far. I was sent this video (link below) of a doggie doing aerobics. What an amazingly talented and energetic little doggie! Hooray for you! However, I doubt walking on my front legs with my hind end up in the air will do much for my image, let alone my figure. And the only leg lifts you’ll see me doing will be next to the closest tree, bush, or fire hydrant!


I discussed this at length with my colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel. We decided we would much rather get our exercise by running around the yard doing our daily homeland security reconnaissance missions, which, I must say, have been quite successful at keeping the Evil Squirrel Cartel away. We haven’t seen any squirrels near our territory in over a week!

Operatives of the Bunny Militia have been spotted in the neighborhood lately, though. There’s a real big one that hops out into the green belt in the middle of the day as if daring some predator to try to catch him. Well, one day he’ll make the mistake of sneaking into our yard and then we’ll have a proper high speed chase!


We’ve been watching a certain big crow, nicknamed the Godfather, that always shows up at noon every day and sits in the middle of the neighbor’s tree for an hour, as if waiting for a pay-off. The local grackles raise a big commotion about his presence. We’ve managed to keep this bully bird away from our yard, but the grackles seem to have no gratitude, and dive bomb us whenever we get too close to the bushes where they have their nests. Sheesh!


As you can see, the grass is greening up nicely, and the mud is starting to dry up. The sun is shining so brightly we have to squint. There are birds everywhere. Mobs of sparrows chatter in the bushes, flocks of brilliant gold finches flit between the feeders, and speckled starlings, and fat mourning doves waddle across the lawn. There are two or three robins hopping around in every single yard. Crazy Bird, the angry red cardinal sings all day long. People are constantly walking by on the sidewalk. It’s quite a work-out barking and running along the fence at all of them. So thanks, but no thanks to the doggie aerobics class. I think I’ll agree with Joey dog; there’s plenty of exercise to be had right outside our back door. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the capricious tennis balls I have to chase around indoors! I guess I'll have to make an effort to not eat as much for a while.





Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Pooped Out

Hello everybody. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your exhausted doggie reporter 
Chester L. W. Spaniel.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Well,  you’re probably wondering why I am so tired. Well, one of my humans has been taking me for long power walks early in the morning. As you may have heard from my smug colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, I have a bit of a weight problem. In fact, I weigh forty-five pounds right now. Cocker Spaniels are supposed to weigh less that thirty. I have tried telling the vet that I am all muscles, but that excuse isn’t working anymore. My nickname there is Chubby Chester. Augh!

I am not smug! Harumph!

This just in! Here's a new picture of our Florida associate, Miss Charlee dog:


Hi Miss Charlee! Looks like Lane has claimed half of your doggie bed!


Sunday, May 4, 2014

The Capricious Tennis Balls

Hi squeaky toy fans! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your playful doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel, chairman of the Squeaky Party.


I recently received a great number of tennis balls all at the same time! Wow! I was so happy I didn’t know which one to play with first. There’s nothing more fun than chasing a tennis ball. These are proper tennis balls too. Even after hours of chewing and slobbering, they are all still in good shape. I was overcome with joy and fun and running around and playing and catching and carrying and bouncing and … hooray!

This is the best day ever! 

You throw it and I'll catch  

However, it wasn’t long before the evil nature of tennis balls were revealed. 


Unlike those big Labrador retriever doggies, I can only fit one tennis ball in my mouth at a time. That’s a bit of a problem if I see them all going in different directions, or if I want to pick up two or more, and I can’t decide which one to take first. But that is at least manageable, and just takes a little planning. 


Next, I discovered that these tennis balls have a mind of their own. They’re always trying to roll themselves under the furniture where I can’t reach them. 


Arrrrgggh! My unperturbed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel remains disinterested in these capricious tennis balls, and is absolutely no help in either minding them for me, or helping to get them out of their hiding places.  

You see? Totally blasé! 

My humans are getting rather tired of constantly moving furniture for me so I can catch those silly tennis balls. 

Um, a little help please.

My humans tried to help by putting all of the tennis balls into my squeaky toy storage facility, with the rest of my precious play things. But none of these amazing tennis balls are chewed up enough to qualify for sequestration and retirement. Plus I can’t stop playing with them! What a dilemma! If anybody has any suggestions as to how to better manage a bunch of tennis balls, please let me know. Having this abundance has worn me out! I’m going to take a nap now. But when I wake up, tennis balls beware! 

Snoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrk! 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Rainbow

Good evening readers! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your colorful doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel. I think it’s time for some doggie logic!

Today there was a big sudden storm with high winds, lots of pouring rain, and even a bit of thunder. Towards the end of it, the sun broke through the clouds in the west. For some reason one of my humans ran outside with a camera, came back in again, and called the other humans to come outside and look at the spectacular rainbow. Being color blind, I just couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I looked and looked, but only saw gray clouds, brilliant sunlight, and a bright curved line. So I looked up the definition of a rainbow and this is what I got: 1. an arch of colors visible in the sky, caused by refraction and dispersion of the sun’s light by water droplets in the atmosphere 2. A wide range of different colors or kinds.

Well, the water droplet stuff is very interesting and scientific, but my doggie mind still cannot envision it, let alone see it. So I tried to think about the second definition. What do I have that is of a great range? Answer: squeaky toys. 


I unloaded my entire squeaky toy collection just to appreciate the diversity of them. I seem to remember hearing that word a lot on the news, and it often seems to be associated with some kind of argument or problem. I took a good long look at my squeaky toys. They are many and wondrous and all different colors (I’m told.) I simply cannot understand what’s the big deal about the word diversity. So I looked that word up too, and here’ s what I got: 1. the state of being diverse 2. A diverse range; a variety. Well, that’s exactly what I have here and I don’t see any problem whatsoever. In fact, I’m quite happy about my diverse squeaky toy collection. In fact, I can conclude that diverse is the way things are supposed to be. 


Oh, and here is the rainbow. My human made a black and white copy of it so you can see how it looks to me. 





Friday, May 2, 2014

Science Experiment

Hello everybody! This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie scientist 
Chester L. W. Spaniel.


Today I was out in the back yard trying to conduct scientific research. I’ve been wondering if mousies are living in the compost pile. I came up with this hypothesis after I detected the scent of mousies in there several weeks ago. This scent has persisted all this time, but I haven’t been able to make any actual sightings. As you know a compost pile consists of scraps of vegetable matter from the garden and the kitchen that, when placed in a pile outdoors, gradually decomposes into lovely rich soil through the actions of naturally occurring bacteria, fungi, worms, and insects. During this process heat is generated; and of course, there are plenty of things a mousie might like to eat in there, like seeds, peels, worms, and even entire moldy jalapeno peppers. It's just logical that this would be prime mousie real estate! Since it has rained for the last week, and temperatures have not gone below the freezing point, the contents of the pile were quite loose and surrounded with mud. It seemed like conditions were perfect for an excavation. I followed some orderly steps so that others can repeat my experiment and come up with the same conclusion.


Step 1: Thoroughly sniff and inspect all sides of the pile. Determine where the mousie scent is the strongest. Using my excellent doggie nose, and my natural cocker spaniel tracking instincts, I concluded the scent was strongest at the western side of this pile, as I’m indicating in this photo.


Step 2: Begin removing sticks from the pile to create a larger access point.


Step 2a: Completely ignore your human who has been yelling for you to come back in the house, and the grackles who are dive bombing you because their nest is in the bushes nearby. Well, I never said scientific research was easy.


Step 3: Begin excavation of the compost pile. This turned out to be great fun. The pile was indeed quite soft and easy to dig! 


Step 4: Stick your entire head into the hole at regular intervals to verify that you are still in the right spot. Doing this will also prevent you from hearing your human shouting at you to get out of the mud and come back in the house. Doesn’t she know important scientific discovery is going on? I can’t stop now! That would be unscientific!


Step 5: Grumble while your human drags you into the house with a leash. Leave muddy footprints on the floor to demonstrate your unhappiness about having to come back in before the mousies have been found and captured. Then jump into the bath tub. (Oh, running water looks really cool when photographed with a flash! And yes, that water was clear before I got in it!) 

Step 5a: Jump out of the tub at least once to splash water all over the bathroom floor and your human. Jump back in and submit to a thorough wash with soap and a change of clean water. Then be sure to give a good shake. Run around the house like a maniac for the next fifteen minutes to dry off. Grab the TV remote and throw it around like it’s a squeaky toy, then play “keep-away” with it while your human chases you. Roll around on your blanket on the couch. Remind your human to think about getting a movie camera to catch all the funny rolling action. (I always wanted to be a youtube star!)


Step 6: Pretend to be cute so you can get that treat you usually get for promptly coming back in the house after doing your business like my colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel does.  Secretly plan to resume your experiment the next time you go out. 

Too late! I already ate all the yum yums! 

Hooray! It's Ironing Board Man!

Hello friends and squeaky toy fans. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host 
Chester L. W. Spaniel.


Today Ironing Board Man—my favorite super hero!—made a sneak appearance. He was ironing the grass along the sidewalks of our neighborhood for some reason.


After a bit of research I found out the problem was that one of Ironing Board Man’s arch enemies, the mysterious Dr. Frost Heaves, was very busy creating lumps and bumps in the lawns everywhere. Apparently the long winter with its changeable weather patterns was especially conducive to Dr. Frost Heaves’s diabolical activity. Now that I think about it, our yard does seem to be particularly bumpy right now. I wonder if Iron Board Man might help us out and iron our yard too? I’m worried one of my humans might trip and get hurt. Now if I could just get a hold of Ironing Board Man and tell him about our plight. Oh, by the way, Dr. Frost Heaves is also responsible for multitudes of potholes in the roads. Wow, he sure sounds like an evil character!


In the meantime, I’m going to keep a close watch out the window. Maybe I’ll be able to catch Dr. Frost Heaves myself. After all, homeland security is a doggie's most important job! Below is a picture of my colleague Special Agent Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens on a scouting mission. He has detected no criminal activity so far. 

Here's a video on how frost heaves work:

                      


Birdie and squirrel foot prints, worms, poop, and pee are all I'm detecting right
now. If any evil villain has been here, the trail is quite cold! 

A doggie's work is never done!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Review of Proper Squeaky Toy Procedures

Hello squeaky toy fans. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel. As my regular readers and fans know, I am the chairman of the Squeaky Party, where our belief is that everybody should have a squeaky toy, because squeaky toys are the key to world peace.

This week one of my favorite comic strip doggies, Roscoe from “Pickles,” received a brand new squeaky toy. His human is shocked to come home and find the squeaky toy torn to shreds. A number of comments were made about Roscoe and his behavior with said squeaky toy. I have written about the appropriate care and handling of squeaky toys many times on The Daily Bone. See “Proper Squeaky Toy Management,” posted on October 26, 2013, and “More Squeaky Toy Theory and Discussion,” posted on October 27, 2013. You will see that Roscoe followed correct squeaky toy procedure upon receipt of his new squeaky toy. I will now review this subject and I suggest that doggie owners take notice. If I may direct your attention to the following photographs, please.


Here are a couple examples of my cherished squeaky toys. As you can see, one of them is a plush, stuffed toy shaped in the image of a squirrel, similar to the one Roscoe just received. The stuffing and the squeaker device have been removed, chewed up and then discarded. The plush fabric has also been extensively chewed on, and now has a lovely, ratty texture. Although a human might think this toy is a disgusting mess, to a doggie, it is in excellent condition and perfect for years of squeaky toy enjoyment. The other toy is a flexible, hollow plastic model with squeaky device embedded in the surface material. This type of toy is also in excellent condition, and is wonderful for chewing. The problem with this type of toy is that once enough pieces have been removed, there is nothing left of it. If you’ll excuse me now, I need to return these precious squeaky toys to my storage facility for safe keeping. 



Ah, safe and sound.