Squirrel Appreciation Day?

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and doggies. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

You're kidding, right?

It has come to my attention that today is National Squirrel Appreciation Day. My esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I thought about this for a while, with very mixed feelings: surprise, appall, derision, shock, um … I'm going to have to study my thesaurus for a long time to describe all the feelings we experienced upon discovering this holiday. 

Squirrels! Those nut-brained fustilarians. Bleah!

Furthermore, we kept a close eye out for the Evil Squirrel Cartel all this entire cold day, but they did not show up. Perhaps they were all attending the Squirrel Appreciation Luncheon somewhere, or else were at the yard of whomever put the most birdseed in their bird feeders today. Shoot! We really hoped they would show up and join us for dinner in honor of this auspicious occasion!

What's for dinner again? Smells delicious.

Bright Idea

Here are some more funny doggie videos for you to watch. They are approved by the Squeaky Party and the Yum Yum Coalition!

http://joeforamerica.com/2014/01/votd-1-21-14/

Now that was a bright idea! Can we get one of those jump around things?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koLrsIDaKrc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_s2OD1ZP84

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIqvByTAvBc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1KmXR1__5Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHyP3-sazcc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bprrZW1BO8

Now I wish I could learn to drive! 

Dogs in Cars

Hello everybody and welcome to The Daily Bone. I'm your humble doggie host 

Chester L. W. Spaniel.

As you  know, my colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel and I are not very fond of going places in cars. That's because our usual destination is the vet's office! But we have recently found some videos about doggies who not only like getting into cars, but drive them too! Wow! Here are the links to the videos, below. Have fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZthOZIdDKU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nyEd8BTZA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lWmeK9H4EU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8fwFYx6bNQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn9yAJ4pnJE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVpxTHkYk74

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWqdRYUH9QQ

What is Super Bowl Sunday?

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens.

Just when I thought the Holidays were over, I find out there’s another one to worry about. This one is called Super Bowl Sunday. My astute associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel said he’d consult the Yum Yum Coalition Doggie guide book, but he thinks a super bowl might be a good thing. For one thing, a lot of television ads for the occasion seem to be about food, like chicken wings, beer, soda pop, crunchy snacks, pizza, gigantic sandwiches, monster televisions, fancy cars, pick-up trucks … wait a minute … you can’t eat a TV or a motorized vehicle! Oh, and there are more ads than ever about losing weight. I wish the humans would make up their minds about food vs losing weight! But I digress.

We called up our good friend and honorary vice-president of the Yum Yum Coalition, The Lady Galadriel (Lady) to see what she might be able to tell us about Super Bowl Sunday. She said she didn’t know, but anything that had to do with yum yums must be good. She doesn’t see why there should be just one special day devoted to putting yum yums into a giant doggie bowl. Every day should be a extra food for super doggies day! But if the humans want to put everything into a special giant doggie bowl on Super Bowl Sunday, she’s OK with that.    

Next, we contacted Professor Braydie Spiker, resident UFO expert and paranormal investigator, to see if she had any information. Her response was, “what another holiday? Does that mean I have to wear another silly hat?”

So we tried to imagine what else Super Bowl Sunday might be about. As hard as we tried, we could only come up with food. I mean, what else do you put in a bowl? Salad? How about this: a big salad slathered with bleu cheese dressing, chicken wings, pizza bites, and tortilla chips thrown in, and guacamole, tacos, liverwurst submarine sandwich pieces, mini hamburger sliders—hold the pickles—barbecue ribs, steak, potato salad, and then mush all that good stuff up and serve in a gigantic dog bowl! Now that’s what I call a super bowl! "Actually," Joey dog said after consulting the Yum Yum Coalition guide book, "in Rochester NY, that would be called a garbage plate." What??!! Why would the humans throw all that good food away in the garbage? Now I’m more confused than ever. 

I'll just take care of those left-overs, if you don't mind.

Stink Bug!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this news bulletin. This is Chester L. W. Spaniel reporting from the upstairs office, where we have been invaded by bugs! Um, well, one bug to be exact. But it’s been bumbling around all evening! I was just taking a nice little nap, when the sound of buzzy little bug wings woke me up.

Huh?

It sounded like it was on the desk, so I jumped up to look for it!

I know you're in here.

Come out, come out! I can hear you creeping.

I found a picture of it on the computer. I wonder why it's called a stink bug?

Aha! Here it is! I'm tracking it now!

Don't worry folks. I'll soon catch this invader!

I got you now Mr. Stinkbug!

Oh! I think I know why it's called a stink bug now!

Wow! That's awful!

This is your humble doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel signing off. I decided I’m just going to leave that stinky stink bug alone. Maybe he just wanted to be on The Daily Bone!

Harumph!

Olympic Sleeping

Hello. This is The Daily Bone, and I’m your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.

Today we’ll be continuing the theme of health and fitness. I noticed one of my humans is not feeling well. In fact, she has been coughing and snorting, moaning and groaning terribly since last night, and today was so sick, she actually couldn’t go to work! We doggies, however, never get sick, except for the ear infections my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel gets occasionally. We totally don’t understand where the term, “sick as a dog,” came from! So we tried to figure out what we do differently to maintain our good health.

The most obvious difference is the amount of rest we get, compared to our humans. For example, from 7AM until 11AM, one of our humans watches the morning news show, followed by the business news, whilst drinking lots of black coffee. The news is almost always bad: continued fighting and unrest in the Middle East, and elsewhere. In our own country there is the unending political trashing on every channel. Our American businesses are taking a beating, and the stock market can crash at any moment! Our own neighborhood became the site of a dragnet Wednesday night through Thursday morning, as the police used helicopters and doggies—hooray for police doggies working all night!—to track down and arrest a crazed man with a shot gun. We even got a phone call warning us to stay inside and lock our doors. Add caffeine to all that, and what do you get? An overworked immune system, elevated pulse and blood pressure, stress, and nervous breakdown. In the meantime, we doggies are doing this:

Zzzzzzzzzz.

Snarrrrrf.

We were blissfully unaffected by all those news crisis reports. Our doggie recommendation, therefore, is to turn off the television for a while, and take a nap! Regular naps restore peace and harmony to your entire system. We doggies have had many years of nap training, and have perfected several comfortable positions. In fact, with light of the upcoming Olympics, we’d like to demonstrate our skill and prowess in the art of sleeping. The following photos show the various Olympic Sleeping techniques:

Smushy-face with Squeaky Toys.

Smushy-face with Blanket.

Flipper Paws with Half Curve.

Single Frog Leg. 

Tipped-over Cow with Couch Cushion.

Double Symmetric Curl.

                 Back Flip with Upper Curve and Neck Twist

Freestyle Doubles on Floor.

Electric Slide with Single Frog Leg.

Double Frog Leg.

Single Ear Flop.

Side with Neck Extension.

Side Position with Rug and Squeaky Toys.

Oh, Lamentations!

Greetings and good evening my hale, and noble readers! This is The Daily Bone (aka: The Recurring Ossified Structural Component) and I am your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel. Having recently perused a new tome by author, Stephen R. Donaldson, I have gleaned a multitude of wondrous new vocabulary words. My most loyal, enthusiastic followers are well aware of my penchant for innovative language! I am thus challenged to put these words to good use, and hope to be neither bombastic, tedious, nor long-winded.

In the caliginous twilight typical of this northern clime, spanning from the winter solstice to the vernal equinox, I am much aggrieved to have misplaced an eldritch squeaky ball of great value. It is with a monumental amount of  self-objurgation that I admit to having been absent minded of the placement of said squeaky ball, when I was interrupted from my scouting mission by a lone pedestrian who happened to wander along the pathway in front of my vast demesne, to whom I gave forth a stentorian warning. Then, to my utter dismay, I perceived that the mantle of gelid and clinquant snow had swallowed the precious orb without a trace. Upon requesting assistance from my erudite canine associate, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, I was given a lugubrious frown, and an asseveration that the object of my desire was indeed effectively hidden, and would probably not appear again until the onset of Spring. Despite the exigency of the situation, I was summoned to return to the shelter of my humble abode, where I then paced in mounting worry and misery to the point of total prostration.  

Oh, woe is me! My most excellent and treasured prize, you are but a lambent eidolon to my aching heart, forever lost in the pellucid drifts of frozen water vapor! But my unquenchable and stalwart friend, Joey dog, upon reconsidering his previous doubt, attempted to be somewhat of a  salvific to my lamentable plight. He assured me that, considering the characteristic ebb and flow of cold air to this region, there will soon be a thaw, and my beloved squeaky ball would be uncovered in all its delightful charm. In the meantime, we will endeavor to discover it with the puissance of our canine sense of smell. If all else fails, then I should just take a chill pill. And that’s a memo.

Pffffft!