Oh Tennis Ball

Hello everyone. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your steadfast doggie reporter 

Chester L. W. Spaniel. 

As you might know, my ghostwriter had a right total knee replacement two weeks ago. She's doing OK. The staples were removed yesterday, and she's walking with only one crutch. Dad and I have been helping her a lot! 

But, it's been pretty boring! So I thought I should present one of my Christmas classic posts. 

I will now regale you with my rendition of "Oh Tennis Ball!"

(Sung to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree.)

Verse 1

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

So round and fuzzy, green and bright. I love you morning, noon, and night.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

Verse 2

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

You're always bouncing down the stairs, and rolling under Daddy's chair.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, how can you do this to me?

Verse 3

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you drive me to distraction.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you drive me to distraction. 

Cause I can never reach you where, you're hiding under Mommy's chair.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you drive me to distraction.

Verse 4

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, where ever do you wander?

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, where ever do you wander? 

You're hiding under every chair, communing with the dirt and hair.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, where ever do you wander?

Verse 5

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, now you're not going anywhere.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, now you're not going anywhere. 

I caught you and your brothers too, and now I'll keep an eye on you.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, now you're not going anywhere.

Verse 6

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything.

I love to roll you down the stairs, and where you end up I don't care.

Oh tennis ball, oh tennis ball, you are my favorite plaything. 

(Here we go again.)

In other news, it's been snowing almost all day here in WNY. Dad made a short trip to the post office and said the roads were terrible, and visibility very poor.

He and ghostwriter are glad they don't have to go anywhere else, and can stay home with me!

(Ghostwriter says I'm the best foot warmer!)

Elf On The Shelf

Greetings friends and fans! This is The Daily Bone and I'm your diligent doggie reporter 

Chester L. W. Spaniel. 

It's that time of year again! Time for me to post my yearly Elf on the Shelf shredding service. So here it is!

DOUBLE DOGGIE HOMELAND SECURITY SYSTEM SPECIAL OFFER

Has your house been invaded by a little alien called a Shelf Elf? Does it sit and spy on you day in and day out? Does it show up in the most unlikely places and stare at you whenever you eat an extra cookie? Well, worry no more! The Double Doggie Homeland Security System has a fantastic, limited, one time only deal.

FREE SHELF ELF SHREDDING SERVICE!

Yes, you heard it right! Simply bring your despicable elf to my workshop. I will personally inspect it for bombs and listening devices, and give it a good slobbering. I will then shred it. I have developing and perfecting my squeaky toy unstuffing, desqueaking, and fragmentation skills for eleven years now, and thus am uniquely qualified for this dangerous and tricky procedure.

THE DOUBLE DOGGIE HOMELAND SECURITY SYSTEM GUARANTEE:

The destruction and disposal of your devious shelf elf will be done is strict confidentiality. You will never have to worry about crime scene evidence. I will render the plastic head part into tiny bits, and the cloth parts into shreds, which my humans will discreetly scatter into multiple random trash bags.

We are sure Santa will never be able to keep track of the millions of shelf elf entities out there spying and tattling. They all look pretty much alike. In fact, I heard from a reliable source that these things are really mindless clones, mass produced by some big foreign manufacturing company, and not related to Santa Claus at all. Who would perpetrate such a devious spy campaign? Besides passing along personal information about your behavior and eating habits, shelf elf puts you at risk of identity theft, security breach, and hackers. I've even heard that they are now connected to the PC Police! What a horrible thought!

Like your social security number and computer codes!

Just imagine, your life will be free of that annoying shelf elf, with its prying eyes, leering smirk, bulbous cheekbones, and long gangly limbs! You will be able to enjoy your illicit cookies, candy canes, hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, eggnog, and holiday fruitcake without guilt or worry about that tattletale elf!

But remember, this is a limited time offer. You must act fast. This offer will only be available until December 25, 2019.*

As an extra bonus, we will also shred Santa hats and fake antlers for the first five callers. 

Thank goodness! 

THE DOUBLE DOGGIE HOMELAND SECURITY SYSTEM

PROTECTING YOUR TERRITORY AND PRIVACY 24/7

AND BARKING IS ALWAYS FREE!

(Donations of yum yum doggie treats are gratefully accepted.)

*After December 25, if you do not use our shredding service, we suggest you put your elf into a hermetically sealed plastic bag, and then store in a large plastic bin in your basement, attic, or crawlspace, where it will be temporarily deactivated. Other disposal suggestions: bonfire, trash can, your nearest deep body of water, or burial under six feet of dirt. The Double Doggie Homeland Security System will not be responsible for harmful side effects.

This ad is placed in loving memory of my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, founder of the Double Doggie Homeland Security System.

Happy Holidays everyone! 

She's Home!

This is a TDB News Flash, and I'm your diligent doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

I am pleased to report that my ghostwriter came home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon after her right knee replacement surgery, and is doing all right. Dad and I are taking good care of her. We would like to say thank you to all of our Blogville neighbors for sending us POTP, Airezens, healing vibes, hugs, and prayers. You are all amazing! 

GW says she starting to feel a lot better now, and the pain is under control. She sure is tired of shuffling around with crutches, though. Oh, and tomorrow the guy from Physical Therapy will be here to put her through some torturous exercises. I plan to be downstairs with Dad in his office because, apparently, I bark too much.



There's really not much going on around here, so I'm going to show you some funnies we found recently. 

Not Fair!

Greetings friends and fans. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your can't-win-for-losing doggie reporter 

Chester L. W. Spaniel. 

My ghostwriter is having her knee replacement surgery tomorrow. She planned to have it done in early December specifically so she would not have to drive to work and back in the rotten winter weather we have here in WNY. 

She worked hard for the past two years, only taking vacation for two weeks when Dad had his knee replacement surgery last year. She volunteered to work the entire Thanksgiving weekend because she knew she wouldn't be back to work for the Christmas and New Year holidays. All this so she could avoid driving in the nasty winter weather for once! Well guess what?

Sunday morning, we were awakened by the sound of freezing rain hitting the windows. This is a very ominous sound because it brings to mind lengthy power outages, fallen trees, and multiple traffic accidents. 

We nervously watched out the icy windows as the freezing rain turned to sleet, then ice pellets, and then snow. I didn't even want to stay out in this stuff for very long because it bounced off my nose and into my eyes.

All the entire morning, we never saw even one snow plow on our street! Ghostwriter was hoping it would stop before she had to drive to work at 3pm, but it didn't.

Is that a snow plow I hear? Nope. Can't they at least put some salt on the road? She finally headed out. She said she almost turned around because the road was so bad. But she persevered and made it to work. It finally stopped snowing for a while. But—surprise!—it started up again just in time for her shift to end! By the time she got home at midnight (after crawling along at 20mph!) our street had still not been plowed! 

This morning it looked like this: 

At least the road is finally cleared! 

Ghostwriter called the hospital this afternoon and found out her surgery will be at 3:30pm tomorrow. She says that's good because then I won't have to wait at home alone for too long. My Jason human will come stay with me after he gets out of work.

Hopefully she'll be able to come home Wednesday. 

But, hey! After that we can all sit around and binge-watch the rest of the winter!!!!

I suggest we all get a good night of sleep now.

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! 

Odds and Ends

Hello everyone. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your trusty doggie reporter
Chester L. W. Spaniel. 

I have a collection of stories to report today, so let's get started!

It's been two years since my ghostwriter got her left knee replaced. Next Tuesday she will be having her right knee replaced. We might not be posting The Daily Bone for a little while after that so she can recuperate. Here's an x-ray of her knees. See how the right one is all crooked? I'll have to be sure to remind her to tell the surgeon to save that gnarly old joint for me as a chew toy! 

Sunday, we had a visit from my favorite miniature humans, Ryan and Lily. Here they are making funny faces with their Aunt Joanna:

You may be wondering why Lily is wearing glasses. She suddenly developed cataracts in both of her eyes about six weeks ago. (It's a genetic thing.) She's had surgery to remove the clouded lenses from each of her eyes. Since she's so young, the doctor didn't put new lenses in. This will be done when she grows up some more. In the meantime, she'll have to wear glasses. She's doing very well, and has been keeping her glasses on. When she visited, she made sure my doggie bowl had food in it, and my water bowl was full, and I had plenty of gentle pats on the head.  

Today we actually had some sunshine! After all the dark and dreary days we've had lately, I needed to squint in the brightness.

I got rewarded with three yum yum doggie treats for this photo session!

At the nursing home where my ghostwriter works, she met a very nice doggie named Marley. I might remind all you doggies out there that people in nursing homes really love it when doggies (and kitties too) come to visit.

Hmmmm. I think I've covered everything.

Don't forget to always take some time during your day to look up, look down, and find all kinds of interesting and beautiful things!

We hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving!