Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Last Day of the Year

Good evening. This is the Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie reporter Chester L. W. Stephens. 


Well, it’s that time of year again. The humans look back on the year and tell us all the horrible things that happened. Plane crashes, nasty terrorists and fanatics, riots, bombings, shootings, horrifying diseases. It’s enough to make you want to hide under the bed! I could write an entire treatise on the subject of evil human atrocities!

But my ghostwriter is quite tired from working. So I’ll just submit to you a few pictures, with comments, and good wishes.

Teamwork works great against the forces of evil …
… but sometimes it's OK to just let the squirrel have the damn peanut. 



Successful negotiations start with making a funny face. 


Make resolutions you can actually keep: 

I resolve to eat more yum yums.
I resolve to get a haircut.


Be thankful for what you have.


Take time to look up and appreciate the moon …
… and taste the sunshine.


Run like crazy! 

Sleep like crazy too! 

Happy New Year everyone! 
Now go back to sleep!


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

No Time Tuesday

This is The Daily Bone and I'm your humble doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens along with my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens.


Have you ever had one of those days when the clock seems to be going a bit too fast? This is one of those days. Every time our ghostwriter looks up, it's an hour later! We don't know if this is just a human thing. We doggies think time goes the same pace all the time. Of course, we never look at the clock!

So here are a few pictures of our new, fresh snow. Now our ghostwriter has to get ready for work.







Monday, December 29, 2014

Squeaky Toys 101

Good morning. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your erudite doggie instructor and squeaky toy expert Chester L. W. Stephens.


Last week was Christmas. That means lots of humans and doggies received presents. Some of these presents were soft, fuzzy objects with stuffing inside of them. Some of these items had squeakers inside as well. In my mind, anything fuzzy and stuffed, with or without a squeaker, is a squeaky toy and should be remanded to me immediately for un-stuffing, and de-squeaking. Over the years, though, I've found out that I’m not supposed to do that to certain things. In order to avoid confusion, I've made up a list of factors to consider then next time any of you doggies out there are confronted with this conundrum.

So, when is a squeaky toy not a squeaky toy?

1. When it’s Mom’s slippers.

2. When it’s a doggie bed.

3. When it’s on Mom’s display cabinet.

4. When it’s a bed pillow.

5. When it’s a couch cushion.

6. When it’s the bathroom rug.

7. When it's Jason's hat and mittens.

8. When it's Mom's fuzzy winter coat.

9. When it chirps or squeals and tries to fight back, specifically birdies, toads, and bunnies. Please note however, you may disregard this rule if squirrels, shrews, chipmunks, or mousies are involved.

10. When it's the same size as our favorite miniature human, Ryan!



Any questions?


Sunday, December 28, 2014

Nothing to Report Today

Good evening. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens.


Today I was a bit worried that I’d have nothing to report. I mean, what could top my going to a party with a real princess? Maybe there will be a Valentine’s Day party to go to …


Whilst I was daydreaming, I heard the buzzing sound, and found this in the bathroom sink: a stink bug! It must have thought spring was here because the weather’s been so mild the past couple days. Maybe it was hibernating inside the ceiling vent. Take it from me: don’t mess with stink bugs. They’re called that for a reason! 


Later on, my ghost writer went out to do a bit of shopping. She picked up her order from the uniform store, and was surprised to see lots of crows flying by. She drove to the other side of the buildings and found their secret hide-out! It was like the country club for crows! 


She drove around the bend and found out they were there for a reason: they had found the mother lode of all dumpsters behind this restaurant! 


Since she was in the area, she decided to check the mall parking lot to see if that was where all the silly geese were going. You know, the ones that are always flying over in every direction but south? 


Surprise! 



Well, that was nice! 


But there is still one more thing I have to do, and I have to wait till it gets dark. 


Is it dark out yet? What’s taking so long? 


7pm … Finally! There it is! It’s shrouded in clouds, and you can’t tell from the picture, but it’s a perfect half moon. Here it looks like some mysterious monsters are trying to catch it. I wonder if a certain princess saw it too? 



Sleepy time!


Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Next Day

Hello! This is The Daily Bone and I'm your humble doggie reporter Chester L. W. Stephens.


I sure had a wonderful time at Dory's Birthday/Christmas doggie blog party! As you know, I had the honor of accompanying the fabulous and gorgeous Princess Leah to the party; and she was absolutely stunning in her tiara! I'll be dreaming about this night for a long, long time! Here's our official photo:


Special thanks to Ruby for pairing us up for the party. Otherwise I would not have gotten up the nerve to ask an actual princess to go with me. Here are links to the party: 

happy-birthday-dory-part-1

happy-birthday-dory-part-2

happy-birthday-dory-part-3

Our ghostwriter was very impressed with all the cute and funny photos, and can't even imagine all the work that went into it! Here's the group photo. Can you find Princess Leah and me in the crowd?




After yesterday's glamorous event, things went back to normal at our house. 


My esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens and I had a good run in the back yard. 


It was sunny all morning and the sky was filled with vapor trails from jets full of humans going home after the holidays. 


A big flock of birds flew over. 


This operative from the Evil Squirrel Cartel was up to no good. Hey, the peanuts are for the jays! 


We had a delicious dinner with pot roast, gravy, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables. 


Later, the moon came out. Now you know what that makes me think of? 


I wonder if Princess Leah is looking at the moon too? 

Friday, December 26, 2014

Date With a Princess

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your suave and sophisticated doggie correspondent 
Chester L. W. Stephens.


Tonight I am going to a doggie blog party with Princess Leah! I have never gone to a doggie blog party before and I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. I looked at some of my doggie blog friends, and they were all dressed up in fancy clothes and driving around in horse-drawn carriages and stuff. My ghostwriter doesn't know how to do all those cool photo shop things, so was a loss about it. But then my Jason human came home and saved the day. He had a formal black bow tie for me to wear. Next, getting me to hold still for a special picture.

Next, I have to take a crash course on how to act around a real Princess. The last princess I ever met was our Miss Ginger dog, AKA Princess Poo Poo!



Wow! She was quite the regal princess. We miss her every day since she went to doggie heaven in 2010. Hopefully she, and our Patron Saint Old Miss Charisma are both looking down on me from doggie heaven and wishing me luck.

The next thing I should do get Princess Leah a present. I don't have any money to buy a present. My esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens said chewed up old squeaky toys aren't legal tender. He's also pretty sure a real Princess wouldn't want any of my battered squeaky toys either. Besides, how can I send a last-minute present all the way to the UK in time for the party. But I happened to look out the window before the sun went down and this is what I saw:


So this is my present to Princess Leah: the moon. I'm sure you'll see it if you look up. Oh, and one more thing: my favorite miniature human, Ryan, has agreed to be our chauffeur. We'll be riding in his brand new intergalactic tricycle space ship. Hooray!


So I guess I'm finally ready to go. See you there Princess Leah! 



Thursday, December 25, 2014

New Space Alien Squeaky Toy

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your playful doggie commentator Chester L. W. Stephens. 


As you can see, I have a new squeaky toy! It’s from the secret box full of Professor Braydie Spiker’s mysterious UFO toys that she gave me in her will. Only on a rare occasion am I allowed to conduct research on one of these toys! It looks like it’s some kind of alien monkey creature thing.


Ten minutes later:

Another successful operation!
Thanks Professor Braydie! 
I love it! 
I will treasure it forever!