Good morning. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your erudite doggie instructor and squeaky toy expert Chester L. W. Stephens.
Last week was Christmas. That means lots of humans and doggies received presents. Some of these presents were soft, fuzzy objects with stuffing inside of them. Some of these items had squeakers inside as well. In my mind, anything fuzzy and stuffed, with or without a squeaker, is a squeaky toy and should be remanded to me immediately for un-stuffing, and de-squeaking. Over the years, though, I've found out that I’m not supposed to do that to certain things. In order to avoid confusion, I've made up a list of factors to consider then next time any of you doggies out there are confronted with this conundrum.
So, when is a squeaky toy not a squeaky toy?
1. When it’s Mom’s slippers.
2. When it’s a doggie bed.
3. When it’s on Mom’s display cabinet.
4. When it’s a bed pillow.
5. When it’s a couch cushion.
6. When it’s the bathroom rug.
7. When it's Jason's hat and mittens.
8. When it's Mom's fuzzy winter coat.
9. When it chirps or squeals and tries to fight back, specifically birdies, toads, and bunnies. Please note however, you may disregard this rule if squirrels, shrews, chipmunks, or mousies are involved.
10. When it's the same size as our favorite miniature human, Ryan!