Friday, December 12, 2014

Alien Anatomy

Greetings Earth doggies! Salutations Earth humans and kitties too! This is The Daily Bone and I'm your intrepid doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel. Welcome to a truly momentous occasion! 

Dad was trying to put up some Christmas decorations. The first step of this arduous procedure involved cleaning off the very top of the TV cabinet. There, rolling in the ancient, primordial dust, he found an alien squeaky ball! Wow! (Cue the X-Files theme.) I had to go way back to July 29, 2013 to find the last known sighting of this mysterious blinking globe!



I was only allowed to play with this thing for a short time when my ghostwriter noticed it was coming apart in fragments as I tried to chew it. She worried that it might contain deadly radioactive chemicals that would turn me into a freak, so she took it away and hid it on the top shelf.

And, on this historic day, it was found! Here I am in my doggie bed squeaky toy research laboratory with the extraterrestrial orb, and another fascinating squeaky toy from my extensive collection.

I want to believe.

Being a science geek like the rest of my family I just HAD to find out what made it work. I quickly conducted an alien autopsy. Using my highly developed surgical squeaky toy dissection skills I removed the outer shell of the strange device. Now, ladies and gentlemen, doggies and kitties, here is an exclusive, never before seen photograph of the intricate innards of this amazing piece of alien technology!

First I'd like to point out that the piece I removed looks a lot like it could be the missing piece of the Death Star. It may be no coincidence that it came apart as it did! I wouldn't be surprised if Darth Vader showed up on my doorstep tomorrow morning to reclaim this artifact!

Next, you'll notice that the inner part looks a lot like a bone. However, have any of you ever seen a bone with embedded lights that blink like crazy? Perhaps it's a portal to another dimension! Or maybe it's an alien tracking device. Oh no! Now all the aliens will arrive and blow our pitiful planet to smithereens and we will be assimilated.

An alternate hypothesis is that it's part of a secret government weapons project that was never intended for public knowledge. Heavens knows what could happen if it got into the hands of our enemies!

If anyone has any theories about this mysterious device, please let me know right away! 

Joey dog here. I think my supercilious associate has finally popped a sprocket and flipped his sonic screwdriver on this one!

Hey! I heard that! 

Just remember, faithful readers: things are not always what they seem …



  1. Bet it are an alien zombie homin' if Earf zombies weren't enuff, now ya done gone and sent a signal to da alien zombies!!

    My werk riddin' da werld of zombies will nevfur gits done!!

    1. Yeah, we gotta get busy riddin da you-na-verse of zombies now!

  2. Oh Chester that looks really scary. I am very glad that you are on the case…I'm sure you'll have this conundrum solved in no time, you is a very clever pup
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  3. OMD yikes. We agree careful it might be a zombie beacon. I'd say get rid or if not RUN. Have a super Saturday.
    Best wishes Molly

  4. Argh! I wuz thinkin Death Star too! Mommy is gonna crochet a Death Star pillow fur my human sissor an brofur. They are geeky like that.

    Yeah, be careful with that alien technology. Yu jus nefur know whut they are plannin.

  5. amazing deductive reasoning - remnants of the death star sounds about right to us

  6. Just hide the alien for the future LOL:

  7. OMD OMD OMD this..... THINGY belongs in Area 87 fur SURE....
    OMD what if you had swallowed some of it... and it turned you into somethingy HIDEOUS like a SNOW FREAK or somethingy...
    THIS is the stuffs that NIGHT SQUIRRELS are build around... SCARY SCARY stuffs.

  8. Congratulations on your great scientific work - we are sure you will go down in history for your discoveries:)

    Woos - Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning

  9. I think I saw this on an episode of "The Twilight Zone". I will get my secretary right on it to find this episode. Be careful, very very careful, but I am glad you are doing such awesome detective work and trying to figure this out!

  10. Oh my! Thank goodness you took care of that! Hopefully your Pawrents will be able to help figure out what that is!

  11. Do yer crackle with static when anyone walks by..... that's what I want to nose.
    Luvs Freya Rose Blossom. Take care guys, stuff that glows sometimes grows. Luvs x

  12. OMD, when I heard 'glowing balls' I was thinkin' you need to see a vettie or somethin' ~ WHEW! I am so glads it's just and alien ball. Nows, I thinks you're gonna gets the Nobel Peace Prize for this one Chester! You discovered alien spy technology sittin' right there up on your shelf!!! There is no tellin' what kind of information it gleamed from it's sneaky glowing listening device!! I hopes you didn't give up any impawtent information abouts your huntin' skills or reporter contacts that you didn't want them to knows. Or, I hopes your foodables aren't contaminated!! HOLY GLOWING KIBBLE BITS!!! Be sure to check befores eating, okay?
    Keep us posted....
    Ruby ♥

  13. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! You have dismantled the alien. I can no longer harm you. Was there bacon inside?