Sunday, October 27, 2013

More Squeaky Toy Theory and Discussion

Hello out there. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your erudite doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens.


A fan remarked on my last TDB about squeaky toy management. She said I spend more time on my squeaky toy inventory than she does on her business inventory. Well, that’s because squeaky toys are serious business. They can be very capricious, you know, and I need to keep close track of them. Sometimes they hide under the couch, and behind doors and curtains. Sometimes my humans throw away my old tattered ones without consulting me. I always remember who gave me which squeaky toy, and can pick it out of my storage facility whenever that person comes to visit. All that takes time and energy, and is an important part of my daily routine besides sleeping, guarding the house and property, and chasing squirrels.

Well, it’s starting to get cold out now. The winter birds are arriving, and some of my humans are complaining about the icy wind, the dreary clouds, and the fact that it’s dark by six o’clock. The leaves are almost all down, which means I can now see those marauding squirrels up there in the silver maple tree. It’s also football season. I have tried to understand this sport that the humans seem to like so much. It looks like a bunch of men in funny pants running around, knocking each other down, and throwing an oddly shaped squeaky ball as far as possible. I have played a similar game, except it involves taking a scrap of something from the garbage can and running wildly around the house trying to keep it away from my humans. That’s usually a lot of fun.

On the political side of things, the blame game over the debt ceiling, health insurance, the shut-down, foreign policy, etc. goes on and on. Yawn. I might remind everyone that the Squeaky Party was founded a little more than a year ago as an alternative to the big two parties that are constantly fighting about everything. We stand for life (hey we’re alive!) liberty (we can make our own decisions) and the pursuit of happiness (squeaky toys make everybody happy and thus promote cooperation and understanding.) My advice to the Democrats and the Republicans: take a break from all the fighting. Throw a squeaky ball around for a while. Watch a football game together, cheer for your favorite team, and jump up and down until you get all your negative energy out of your system. Take a nice walk with your doggie in the crisp Autumn air. Send all those lobbyists out to chase the squirrels away from the First Lady’s garden. Send the reporters out on a doggie poop scoop. Then, sit down and figure out some good solutions to all the problems in a calm and rational way. And that’s a memo. 

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