Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Here We Go Again!

Good evening. This is The Daily Bone. I’m your patriotic doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens, chairman of the Squeaky Party, where sanity still exists. With me is my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens, founder of the Yum Yum Coalition, where food still exists too.

Imagine that.
Attention everybody! May I have your attention please! The United States of America is teetering on the brink of economic collapse, destruction, and annihilation of epic proportion! Planes will fall out of the sky, cities will sink into the ocean, foreign invaders will overrun our formerly great nation, civil war will erupt in the streets, and we will plunge into the eternal darkness of insanity and idiocy. All life will cease, and global warming will incinerate the corpses. And … You know what? We’ve heard it all before! We’re tired of listening anymore. As the saying goes, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” We have work to do. If we want drama, we can go see a block buster movie. They’re probably all on cable now anyway, so we just have to switch the channel.

Hey, you politicians—and Mr. President too—haven’t you heard? The government is shut down. So why are you all still running around on Capitol Hill in your spiffy suit coats, making speeches about how you refuse to negotiate and compromise about anything? And OMG, I have never heard such name-calling in my entire life! Go home already. Mow the lawn, pick up the doggie poop, have a picnic with your family, and take your doggie for a walk. When you are calm and rational, and the Press gets bored and runs out of impending disasters to report, come back and do your job. Don't worry, because by then, everyone will have forgotten all the nasty things you said. Sit down together and hammer out a plan that works for everyone. Harumph!

Wake us up when you get to that point.
In local news, the crazy red cardinal is still attacking our windows, but not as much as before. I think my barking campaign is working. I found another mousie in the back yard, but my humans called me into the house before I could dig up all the lavender and catch him. Joey dog and I are still maintaining our surveillance of the yard, and haven't seen any evil squirrels lately. We haven't seen or heard any more ducks and geese either. The weather has cooled off, and the trees are turning colors and dropping leaves. The gold finches have all changed into their olive drab winter feathers. Ironing Board Man and his friends built us a new driveway, and the Autumn sunsets are spectacular. Life goes on, and the world hasn't come to an end (again) despite what the national news says. And that's a memo.

Tap tap tap. Hello? Tap tap tap tap.
Mr. Mousie, I know you're in there. Come out with your hands up!
Don't look now Joey dog, but those duck dynasty guys are watching us again.
Ironing Board Man, hooray! You're still my favorite super hero!
Beautiful sunset. The world will still be here tomorrow.

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