Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween

Welcome to another edition of The Daily Bone. I'm your doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens, chairman of the Squeaky Party. With me today is my learned colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens, founder of the Yum Yum Coalition, where yum yums are always serious business.


Today's subject is Halloween. What's up with that? Joey dog and I both agree, it's totally confusing. It is our understanding that our job is to keep strangers away from the house by barking and growling fiercely. But on that night, all kinds of people in scary outfits come to our door and we get yelled for doing our job. Furthermore, our humans even give yum yums to these heinous invaders. Not just any yum yums either. Joey dog tells me from personal experience that chocolate is a most delicious treat, even if you have to be forced to drink hydrogen peroxide afterward that makes you barf it back up again.

Oh, wait a minute. If those bothersome intruders eat the chocolates, won't they have to drink H2O2 and barf it up too? That means—think real hard about this—our humans are actually defending the house by giving out these treats? Isn't that right? Bwahahahahah! We doggies are rolling on the floor laughing!

Oh, wait a minute. We doggies are the sworn protectors of the human race. It's not right to give poisonous treats to anyone, even dangerous scary house monster invaders. Therefore, we will resume our designated job, and endeavor to bark and growl as loudly and as vigorously as possible at every stranger: go away evil aliens, or else you will be forced to barf! Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark snarl woof woof woof woof woof bark bark bark! Halloween is still as confusing as ever!

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