Wednesday, May 29, 2013

More Flashbacks

Here is a flashback to a few of my older editions of TDB, written last Fall. At that time, I was just thinking about the problems our great nation is facing, and using my doggie logic to suggest solutions.
                                                   
Recycling

Good afternoon, and welcome to The Daily Bone. I'm your host, Chester, L. W. Stephens, Registered Cocker Spaniel, and chairman of the Squeaky Party. We support interest in squeaky toys, and believe everyone should have one.

Our topic today is recycling. With all the brouhaha about the environment these days, a doggie might ask himself, what can I do to save the Earth? I mean, besides contributing totally, 100% organic fertilizer to the grass and garden. One thing is recycling boxes. Humans often complain that most shipping boxes are too big to fit in the recycling bin, and it's a lot of trouble to cut down these boxes into smaller sizes. However, for a doggie, breaking down a cardboard box is easy and fun. Yours truly can render a large box to small pieces in about ten minutes. The best technique for this is to stand inside the box. Your own weight will hold the box in place while you remove the flaps and then the sides. See photo below. Now all the human has to do is pick up the small pieces and place them in the recycling bin. And that's a memo.



Gas

Thank you for joining me for another edition of The Daily Bone, where our slogan is "Squeaky Toys For All!" I'm your host Chester L. W. Stephens, Registered Cocker Spaniel, and chairman of the Squeaky Party. With me today is my esteemed colleague, Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens, Registered Cocker Spaniel, and founder of the local Yum Yum Coalition, where yum yums are serious business.

Lately, I've gotten several questions about natural gas. Should it be used more as a fuel, and should we use a controversial technique called fracking to get it from deep below the ground? I have a simple answer to all these questions: Broccoli. Contrary to popular belief, doggies love vegetables, especially broccoli. The best part is the stem, which most humans usually throw out. According to Joey dog, research has shown that a daily serving of raw broccoli stems will provide enough gas to cook your broccoli every day. Don't forget to give your doggies the leftovers too! And that's a memo.

Please remember to vote on election day. A vote for Chester, is a vote for squeaky toys for everybody!



Cats

Hello. This is Chester L. W. Stephens, Chairman of the Squeaky Party, and this is The Daily Bone. Welcome one and all.

As more and more citizens become aware of the Squeaky Party and our slogan, Squeaky Toys for Everybody, Except Cats, there have been suggestions that our anti-cat position is discrimination. So I decided to ask my resident cat, Maddie, what she thinks about squeaky toys. She says that although squeaky toys are not her favorite type of plaything, many other cats like them very much. Therefore, I will remove that part of our slogan. After all, the essence of the Squeaky Party is for as many citizens as possible to experience the joy of squeaky toys, thus promoting world peace, and cats are citizens too.



Furthermore, in my conversation with Maddie cat, I have come to the conclusion that doggies and cats have a few things in common. First, is bird watching. Every home should have a window through which cats and doggies can enjoy this sport. Having a bird feeder right inside the window is even better. Another sport we both enjoy is catching bugs. In fact, we have signed a treaty that says we will work together to rid the house of any flying or crawling insects. I have not, however, agreed not to steal any squeaky cat toys that show up in my territory.

Peace and Squeaky Toys for All! Please vote for Chester L. W. Stephens, Registered Cocker Spaniel, for president.

Cat toy? What cat toy?

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