Saturday, July 19, 2014

Not Zombies Again!

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your brave and trusty doggie reporter Chester L. W. Stephens. Welcome to part three of our series about zombies.


I thought I had said all I could possibly say about zombies. Before I say anything else I’d like to make one thing very clear: there is no such thing as a zombie! My ghostwriter has been a long term care nurse for thirty-three years. She says the dead never come back to life, even if it takes several hours for the undertaker to get there and pick them up. (By the way, she has never seen any ghosts hanging around anywhere either!) Zombies are something the humans have invented so that they can make scary movies, books, and TV shows about them. Zombies are big business, especially around Halloween when humans of all ages dress up in weird outfits and put odd looking make-up on their faces. We doggies get very confused about this. But the humans think it’s great fun. 

For some reason, humans love to be scared. What could be more frightening that a rotting corpse running around that wants to suck your brains out? Well, I could name a few things, like Jason’s shirt with the snaps in the front that he can rip open. Yeeeesh! And balloons. Balloons have a tendency to pop unexpectedly. And Dad’s loud voice when he yells at the TV. We’re just going to hide behind Mom for a while. And thunder. Yipe yipe yipe yipe! My usually courageous associate Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens especially hates thunder. You know, if they make a movie all about thunder-balloons and a guy with a snappy shirt who yells at the TV, we doggies would pay a lot to see it. Not! We’d be hiding under the bed! 

If you ask me, I think the humans have enough things to worry about that are genuinely scary, like bombs and wars and airplanes being shot out of the sky. Why can’t the humans just get along? Why do they think that if they drop bombs on each other, they’ll get their point across? That is simply beyond my doggie comprehension. Why is it OK to kill others just because they have different religious beliefs? I mean, really?? Well, we doggies have no control over the bad things humans do on the other side of the world. The best we can do is to be kind and supportive to each other and our humans. If you want to indulge in a make-believe zombie apocalypse movie once in a while, that’s OK. It gets your mind off what is really going on for a few hours. And don’t worry. If you think there really are zombies trying to get you, you can be sure we doggies are on duty night and day to protect you from your make-believe monsters and ghosts. As far as the real scary stuff, that’s up to you humans to solve. Hopefully peace will prevail. And that’s a memo. 


                         Backyard zombie apocalypse? No problem! We’ve got you covered. 
Oh, if you want to read my previous treatises on the subject of zombies, please go to the blog archive and select “That Zombie Show” dated March 1, 2014 and “Zombies” dated October 22, 2013 (There are some really great zombie videos on this one!) 


12 comments:

  1. We all know that PEEPS are just NUTTIER than a Tree full of Squirrels, RIGHT???
    THAT is why we don't allow PEEPS to live in Blogville... which is a PAWFECT place to live. We love EVERYBUDDY and make EVERYBUDDY Welcome in Blogville.

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  2. PeeS.... did you know that you have that PROVE YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT.... thingy turned ON???? Some folks don't know it is set up that way on their blogs. Some folks don't like having to type that extra stuffs when they leave a comment. Just sayin.

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    1. Oh, I didn't know that! Thanks for telling me. Now I'll try to figure out how to get rid of it. Thanks.

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  3. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! I do NOT like being scared. No zombies for me, please!

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    1. Don't worry Ojo. No zombies for you!

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  4. Yu gots sum good wurds o' wisdom there.

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    1. Doggies and other animals are full of wisdom if humans just take the time to look.

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  5. We saw you commented over at Murphy and Stanley's blog and came by to say hi. We love your daily dog reporting!!! A chipmunk up the drain pipe would have sent my mom totally over the edge!!!!

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    1. Nice to meet you Duncan! Welcome to our doggie blog. We'll be sure to check out your blog too. Oh, my humans are science geeks, so things like spiders and chipmunks don't phase them at all. Once, we caught a shrew in a bucket, and took pictures too!

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  6. Thanks for telling us all about zombies cuz we did NOT know about them. Also, thanks for finding our bloggy! We look forward to getting to sniff you better!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

    Pee Ess - Don't forget that THIS Friday is the first ever Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails!

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    1. Hello friends! Great to meet you and welcome to our doggie blog. I'll have to get busy on Fractured Fryday Hairy Tales. I'm sure my ghostwriter and I come up with something good. Thanks for letting us know about it.

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