Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your brave and trusty doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel. Welcome to part three of our series about zombies.
I thought I had said all I could possibly say about zombies. Before I say anything else I’d like to make one thing very clear: there is no such thing as a zombie! My ghostwriter has been a long term care nurse for thirty-three years. She says the dead never come back to life, even if it takes several hours for the undertaker to get there and pick them up. (By the way, she has never seen any ghosts hanging around anywhere either!) Zombies are something the humans have invented so that they can make scary movies, books, and TV shows about them. Zombies are big business, especially around Halloween when humans of all ages dress up in weird outfits and put odd looking make-up on their faces. We doggies get very confused about this. But the humans think it’s great fun.
For some reason, humans love to be scared. What could be more frightening that a rotting corpse running around that wants to suck your brains out? Well, I could name a few things, like Jason’s shirt with the snaps in the front that he can rip open. Yeeeesh! And balloons. Balloons have a tendency to pop unexpectedly. And Dad’s loud voice when he yells at the TV. We’re just going to hide behind Mom for a while. And thunder. Yipe yipe yipe yipe! My usually courageous associate Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel especially hates thunder. You know, if they make a movie all about thunder-balloons and a guy with a snappy shirt who yells at the TV, we doggies would pay a lot to see it. Not! We’d be hiding under the bed!
If you ask me, I think the humans have enough things to worry about that are genuinely scary, like bombs and wars and airplanes being shot out of the sky. Why can’t the humans just get along? Why do they think that if they drop bombs on each other, they’ll get their point across? That is simply beyond my doggie comprehension. Why is it OK to kill others just because they have different religious beliefs? I mean, really?? Well, we doggies have no control over the bad things humans do on the other side of the world. The best we can do is to be kind and supportive to each other and our humans. If you want to indulge in a make-believe zombie apocalypse movie once in a while, that’s OK. It gets your mind off what is really going on for a few hours. And don’t worry. If you think there really are zombies trying to get you, you can be sure we doggies are on duty night and day to protect you from your make-believe monsters and ghosts. As far as the real scary stuff, that’s up to you humans to solve. Hopefully peace will prevail.
|Backyard zombie apocalypse? No problem! We’ve got you covered.|
Oh, if you want to read my previous treatises on the subject of zombies, please go to the blog archive and select “That Zombie Show” dated March 1, 2014 and “Zombies” dated October 22, 2013 (There are some really great zombie videos on this one!)