Sunday, June 16, 2013
Welcome to The Daily Bone. I am your humble and sensibly groomed doggie host, Chester L. W. Stephens.
Today I was shown some pictures of extreme dog grooming. It was the first time I actually appreciated being color blind! This is an absolute disgrace and an insult to doggies everywhere. I certainly hope that all you dyed, painted and shaven doggies have the good sense to go out immediately and roll on the nearest dead fish you can find! Then, I recommend you run through lots of bushes and brambles, and tromp around in some good honest mud. In addition, make sure you bring a great big dingle-berry into the house and scooch it off on the carpet in protest to the absurd grooming job you were subjected to. A big slurping drink from the toilet bowl, followed by a vigorous shake would help too. You're a doggie, not a squeaky toy, so stand up for yourself! Hmmph!
My conservatively coifed associate, Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens and I are eternally grateful to our wonderful groomer, Miss Jacquie at Southtowne Vet Hospital. Thank you for the simple bath and buzz cut we get every six weeks! It keeps us from getting overheated in the summer, and loaded down with snowballs in the winter. We are generally free of matts, and glad we’re not poodles. We look like what normal doggies should look like: solid buff for Joey dog, and spots and freckles for me! Hooray! And that's a memo.