Greetings friends and fiends. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your bone-chilling doggie reporter
Chester L. W. Spaniel.
Did you know The Daily Bone has been on line since 2013? Well, I thought I'd take a look at some of my older posts, and found one that's perfect for Halloween. Here it is, word for word. Please note: it features my late colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, who, by the way, is not a zombie.
ZOMBIES
Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I'm your undead doggie host Chester L. W. Spaniel.
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| Welcome to my nightmare. |
So what is the deal with zombies anyway? Neither my erudite colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel nor I can understand why the humans keep coming up with zombies as a form of entertainment in TV shows and movies. We all know it's chemically impossible to reanimate something that is dead, especially if it's been dead for a long time. The usual scenario is that there is some kind of virus, disease, parasite, an alien, or even a curse or an evil spirit that takes over a dead body and reanimates it. Sometimes, it only takes a bite from a zombie to pass the zombie disorder illness syndrome malady to people who are alive.
Zombies only eat brains. If they're dead, why do they need to eat? And why brains? They all want to kill the living for some reason, after they terrorize them, of course. There are a few other things zombies have in common. First, they cannot comprehend glass windows, and reliably smash into them, usually with a full body thump and/or splat. (Hey, maybe Crazy Bird is a zombie considering the number of times he's bashed himself against the windows of our house!) They all walk funny, and don't seem to know where they're going. They all have skin discoloration, scabs or open wounds, blood stains, rotten or missing teeth, messy hair, torn up clothes, and weird eyeballs. They all make funny gurgling and/or moaning noises, and sometimes their body parts fall off. And, little kids love to dress up and pretend to be zombies.
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| Horrifying! |
Yesterday, there was an editorial column in the local newspaper about zombies, that said liberals love zombies. The doggie logic machine threw up a clinker on that one! What do zombies have to do with politics? Why would only liberals like zombies? The only thing we doggies could come up with is that perhaps a zombie is the only thing left that is politically correct to kill. In fact, it's PC to kill them in any way, be it an arrow to the head, a bullet to the head, a grenade to the head, a tree limb to the head, a bazooka shot to the head, a motorized vehicle to the head, a sword swipe to the head, a tire iron to the head, a rock to the head, a pea shooter to the head, a flame thrower to the head, a baseball bat to the head, a hockey stick to the head … well, you get the idea. Personally I would have Ironing Board Man drive over their heads and flatten them. The fact that they're already dead doesn't seem to matter.
I imagine one day zombie-ism will be an accepted medical diagnosis, or an alternative life-style choice, and research will be done with government grants to understand and cure it. There will be a zombie awareness week, an anti-hate campaign with a fund raiser raffle ticket zombie bake sale, zombie support groups, a zombie pride march, and a bill in congress to give zombies the same rights and privileges as all other US citizens. That would be the American way.
ZOOM FORWARD 5 YEARS TO TODAY.
Well, was I right about some of those predictions? Check out this video if you dare:
Disney Zombies Movie Trailer
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| Yipes! |
I think I'll stick with Mr. Bumpy Night of the Living Bread! Yum! Oh, and those Epic Mealtime zombie guys! Yipes!
BOL! we just loved your zombie post! Some of our family like to watch the Walking Dead but they don't get the channel on their TV. So they come over on Sunday's to watch. They eat dessert and watch the zombies BOL!
ReplyDeletehugs
Hazel & Mabel
Finley warned us all bout zombies - we is always on patrol for em!
ReplyDeleteZombies?? Not for us, thank you furry much...though sometimes I do hear petcretary say she feels like a zombie if she didn't get enough sleep, BOL!
ReplyDeleteI am terrified of zombies!
ReplyDeleteI am shaking in my bedroom shoes! I get a wee bit antsy w things that go bump in the night and have scary eyes. I really enjoyed the flashback
ReplyDeleteHugs cecilia
And what happens when they run out of brains? Will they then just 'die out'? Hm... You got me thinking now of zombies...
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of interesting insights into zombies. We hope we never meet one.
ReplyDeleteWe think zombies might totally freak out our Mom. As it is, we were coming back (Misty and Timber) from our walk this afternoon, and, lo and behold, there was a coyote waiting for us right outside our front door!!!! He saw us coming and didn't even move. Finally he crossed the cul-de-sac and sat there for a while. Mom went the other way with us and asked a neighbor who was out in his yard if he would walk down the street with us just to be safe:) Just as we were got close to our driveway the coyote ran off behind another house toward the creek. Mom is worried he might be sick or something. We just hope we don't run into him again.
ReplyDeleteWoos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber
We are not real keen on Zombies, unless they are funny Zombies.
ReplyDeleteOur favorites 'Shawn of the Dead' and 'Santa Clarita Diet'. If the undead are going to eat the living, you gotta have a sense of humor!
Wyatt and Tegan
We still love the zombies movie with the Twinkies in it.
ReplyDeleteBOL, Chester! The furst Zombie Pride parade will be here in San Francisco, I guarantee. And then a cure fur zombie-ism will be against the law, because zombies will have rights and legal protection. But they will starve to death here, because San Francisco is pretty short on brains!
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