Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Letters From The Editor

Greetings loyal readers! This is The Daily Bone and I'm your doggie reporter Chester L. W. Spaniel.

I have decided it was time to add a new section to The Daily Bone in which I express my professional opinions about the world of humans. This actually goes back to the very roots of The Daily Bone when it was conceived in late 2012. There was an election going on and I was convinced to run for the Office of President of the USA, under the Squeaky Party. Our platform was that squeaky toys will bring about world peace, and that everyone should have a squeaky toy. Anyhow, I did a lot of editorials about politics, and human behavior in general. But enough about that!

Here's a letter I wrote in response to a post our dear friend Carol made on facebook a few days ago. 

Dear Carol. Ghostwriter and I were checking out our facebook page, and came across your post about Peanut the Squirrel. I had a very hard time resisting putting up the following pictures as responses to this post. But I was told by ghostwriter that it wasn't nice to trash the vibe of the post on fb to people whom we don't know, other than you Carol, and who obviously like (gag) squirrels. But I thought you'd like the pictures anyway!

Chester L. W. Spaniel
Editor and Chief of The Daily Bone

I will now show you one of my opinion essays from way back in 2013. The photos are from then too.

Today, we will do an exercise in doggie logic. The president says all the scandals that have been going around in the past few months are phony bologna. OK, what do telephones have to do with bologna? Is there a new type of smart phone made out of luncheon meat? I guess that wouldn’t be a bad idea. After you’re done yaking with your friends on your break, you can eat your phone for lunch. I consulted my esteemed colleague, Joseph (Joey dog) Spaniel, chairman of the Yum Yum Coalition, and he said that wouldn’t work. We doggies would be more likely to just eat the phone without using it as a communication device. Then it would go through our doggie digestive system and end up in our backyard. I don’t think the NSA would be too happy about that, especially if we ate a whole bunch of broccoli the day before. After that, the infamous CCC (Conniving Chipmunk Consortium) or the evil Squirrel Cartel might steal them and then be able to listen in on our phone calls. What a disaster that would be to our national security! Oh, but then you could turn it around on them and use the GPS to locate and destroy their headquarters. In other words, our phony bologna would be turned into doggie poop spy drones! Boom! Leaves and sticks and fur would be flying everywhere! Bwa ha ha ha ha! Isn’t technology great? But then, lets take this one step further. Who would market it: Oscar Meyer or Verizon? Sounds like a big legal battle might ensue over this. Next, the EPA will come around and ban them and spoil all our fun. And the FDA will say that we cannot be putting phony ingredients in our bologna. It would then turn into a big scandal that would be talked about and deeply analyzed in minute detail by every TV station, a congressional investigation would have to be initiated, Rand Paul would do a filibuster about it, and finally, the president would have to make a big speech saying he is closely monitoring the situation. Therefore, according to doggie logic, I have defined what the president means by a phony bologna scandal. (Where the heck does our president come up with these crackpot ideas anyway?) And that’s a memo.

Whew! That was a lot of work!

So where do I sign up for one of those yum yum bologna phones! 


  1. If you find those bologna phones, let us know, we think we might have an acquired taste for bologna too:)

    Woos - Ciara and Lightning

  2. OMCs my eyes glazed over and my mind went blank when I saw bologna...I am one meat loving feline.
    Hugs madi your bfff
    PS bravo well said and well written

  3. ummmmmmmmmmmmmm bologna, we have heard about this meat, and I think once we saw it on TV but mom has never let us try it.....I am putting it on the bucket list. stella rose

  4. bologna phoned sounds pretty tasty - can we order them from Chewy.com ????? :) :) :)

  5. You mean...there is someone out there who LIKES SQUIRRELS???

    We can't get past that...
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

  6. Maybe you could get you mom to put a squirrel or two on a stick and deep fry them along with cubes of bologna. Sounds yummy....

  7. I want a bologna phone. The pictures are TOO funny!

    Abby ab

  8. mom says she had bologna when she was a kid -
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

  9. I think a bologna phone sounds tasty!
    From Vancouver,
    Louis Dog Armstrong

  10. Mom said that she used to fry a slice of bologna in a frying pan and spread it with mustard when she was she was a kid. We would sure love to try that!

  11. Mmmmmm….edible phones, yum, yum
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

  12. OMC you had Mom laughing out loud with this post! Chester you are something else!

  13. Ohhhhhhh Chester mom and I were sequestered in my blog office during all the interior painting and when they was demolition going on here. She had big signs on the blog office door
    CAT in here DO NOT OPEN... Mom said I might have lost my Diva status during all this 'cause I have been quite a good sport. MOLMOL don't tell her but revenge is sweet.
    Hugs madi your kitty friedn

  14. This is so funny. Bentley chewed up my cellphone when he was a puppy. The company told me they didn't have a code for that when I called to get a replacement. LOL!