Monday, September 1, 2014

Last Minute Post

This is Chester L. W. Stephens again for The Daily Bone. We managed to sneak in a quick photo session before our ghost writer goes in to work. She also managed to write a quick guide to tree climbing. This isn't exactly a doggie thing. We use trees for peeing on and spend a lot of time barking at any squirrel that might be up there. But we thought it was funny.


How to Climb a Tree   by C. Stephens RN

1964.
Whoa! Look at that tree! I betcha I can climb it faster than you can. Last one up’s a poopy head!

2014.
1. Child expresses interest in climbing tree in back yard with his friends.
2. Parent sets a play date for August 14, 2015 and sends out “save the date” notices to a select group of friends.
3. Parent hires a lawyer to write up legally binding waivers for the childrens’ parents to sign before the tree climbing event.
4. Parent checks with local zoning board to make sure no one objects to a tree climbing event.
4. Parent searches on line and hires a reputable tree surgeon to establish that the tree is safe to climb and there are no weak branches.
5. Parent consults the EPA to be sure the tree is not an endangered species and that no endangered species might be living in the tree.
6. Three months prior to tree climbing event, parent sends out official invitations, along with the waivers. No child will be allowed to participate in the event unless the waiver is signed and notarized.
7. Parent hires a climbing expert with tree climbing experience and rents the appropriate safety equipment for the event, including helmets, safety ropes, knee and elbow pads, and an array of nets to put on the ground under the tree in case someone falls.
8. One week before the event, parents have tree surgeon return and recheck tree for problems.
9. Parent hires emergency personnel to be present during the event in case anyone gets a cut or scratch.
10. Parent sends child to grandparent’s house for a couple days.
11. While child is gone, parent chops the tree down. When the child returns, parents tell the child the tree was struck by lightning and fell down while he was visiting Gramma and Grandpa.
12. Parents plant a new tree and tells the child he can reschedule his tree climbing event in thirty years when the baby tree is big enough to climb.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jitw0tZsEm0

8 comments:

  1. Sneaky stuff eh !
    he, he, he, he.
    Luv's Cat Flap Cavalier X

    ReplyDelete
  2. So true, you've made Mum laff !
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sad but so close to the truth now-a-days.
    *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  4. It truly is something like that...gads:(
    Growlmy & her furends used to climb evfurry tree in sight...including ripped pants, etc...And all ovfur the neighborhood, on her bike, or play all day in the meadow. Bye Mum, see ya at dinnertime!
    Now we can't even leave them outta sight...or untended.

    My ancestor, growlmy's furst girlhood pup was a sort of expert tree climber. He would see a squirrel dude...and *Charge!*...off he would go like the wind, and the momentum got him halfway up the trunk or more, BOL!
    But...when he was older and clumsier, he yanked a nail right outta his paw, OUCH! I don't think he climbed many tree-trunks after that.......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ouch! Joey body-slammed a squirrel against a tree trunk once. But neither of us have ever gotten up any trees, though.

      Delete
  5. So funny! Our mom often says time has changed. She used to walk to school with her friends but this is NOT imaginable these days! Kinda sad....

    We're so late and we can't believe we didn't leave a comment right away but.... Thanks so much for sending us the Award! It will be proudly posted on our next post.

    Your friends,
    Momo & Pinot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Mom remembers walking to school in waist-deep snow! She cut across fields and woods, over railroad tracks and through neighborhoods. She always left home early to have time to slide on the frozen ponds and puddles. On warm spring days, she brought along a big empty glass jar to put polliwogs in. Those were the days!

      Delete