Sunday, November 24, 2013

Sunday Afternoon Football and Important Local News

Good evening ladies and gentlemen and doggies. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens. With me tonight is my esteemed colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens.

Hello sports fans. Cocker Spaniels are a sporting breed, you know.
Today we found out one of our humans was going to a football game. We never gave much thought to football before, but we decided to watch it for a while and see if we could spot our human in the crowds of spectators. We couldn’t find her, but we did get a chance to make some other observations. Obviously the game involves a squeaky ball, so that's good. It seems the humans who are actually playing with the squeaky ball are divided into two groups. One group has shiny tight pants on, and the other has tight white pants. They all run around, bump into each other, and fall down as they try to either keep the ball or throw it away. It's quite confusing actually. The players come in all shapes and sizes which we thought was puzzling. Joey and I agreed it wouldn’t seem fair if we Cocker Spaniels had to tackle a Saint Bernard, or a Miniature Dachshund had to try to knock us down. There were also some guys in striped outfits who made funny arm signals, and a bunch of serious looking guys pacing around the edges of the playing field wearing microphone head sets who appeared to be having no fun at all! We never did figure out what the rules were, when suddenly it was over. We don’t know who won.
So much for that!
In other news, it’s been snowing out. For some reason, our humans don’t care much for snow, and go outside regularly to scrape it off the driveway. This morning one of my humans kicked the other out of bed at 6:23AM and made him go out and brush the snow off her car before she went to work. We doggies don’t know why this was such a problem, so we just rolled over and went back to sleep.
It started Saturday morning.
Now everything is all white.
I also got a wonderful new squeaky toy this week that emitted a strange blinking glow and made funny noises.
boing boing boing
I immediately tried to chew it apart to discover what kind of creature was inside it making that noise, but my humans told me to stop. They wondered again, with exasperation, why I always have to modify my new squeaky toys. Well, it’s easier to hide them from the government if they don’t make a lot of noise, and they take up less storage space if I take the stuffing out. That’s just logical. How could I sleep if my squeaky toys were rolling around making funny noises all day and night? As it is, I have to keep an eye out for them constantly. And that’s a memo.
Resistance is futile, squeaky toys. You will be assimilated. Don't even think about escaping! Grrrrr.

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