Friday, November 29, 2013

Black Friday

Welcome to another edition of The Daily Bone. I’m your host Chester L. W. Stephens, chairman of the Squeaky Party. I have a very serious subject to talk about today. In fact, I’m so worried about it that I think I’m going to stay inside all day.

Today is Black Friday. It doesn’t look too dark out to me … yet. But I’m sure anything with such an ominous name must be really, really bad. What could it be? Maybe a big, scary thunderstorm is coming. Could it be approaching nuclear war? Or the end of the world? My associate, Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens, who is adept at spotting the signs of impending doom, such as a visit to the vet, or ear cleaning time, says it’s surely going to be an invasion of aliens from the planet Gobbledigook coming to exact revenge on us for eating so many turkeys yesterday! Hey, wait a minute. I see you snickering there behind the couch, Joey dog. This is no laughing matter! It’s got to be plague, like the black death, and a zombie apocalypse! Oh no!

I’ve been noticing that my humans have been getting alarmed at the increasing number of ads in the newspaper. The mailbox is always crammed with junk mail too. Furthermore, all the TV commercials are vigorously warning people to get ready for Black Friday. What other reason is there for stores to tell people to shop like crazy, except to prepare for a disaster? This morning there were bone-chilling TV reports about people lining up at three in the morning, and waiting for hours in the freezing cold just to get into stores. Traffic is lining up for miles at the freeway exits to the malls. Once the humans get into the stores, they become an angry mob fighting over the things they want to buy. If that’s not enough to scare the crap out of you, I don’t know what is! Joey dog pointed out to me that our humans have been buying and storing huge amounts of food lately, like that fifty pound bag of doggie food. This cannot be a good sign.

Therefore, my advice to you is to gather all your squeaky toys, and your yum yums, hide them under the bed, and then get under there with them. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Obviously a terrible catastrophe is coming. It’s Black Friday!


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