Thursday, September 12, 2013

Squirrel Super Highway

Hi. This is The Daily Bone, and I’m your humble doggie host, Chester L. W. Stephens, along with my esteemed associate Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens. 

Today was a very important day. Our humans removed a major squirrel superhighway branch from the big tree in our backyard. This silver maple tree is enormous and the branches stretch across almost the whole back yard. The evil Squirrel Cartel, as you know, regularly invades our territory to steal seeds from the bird feeders and pears from our pear tree. When we doggies spot them, we run out and chase them up into that tree. They then run along that branch to the hawthorn tree and escape out of the yard. Apparently the branch was also getting too close to the house, so the humans decided to cut it down.
Route 66
We stayed in the house during the cutting event for our own safety, but we were allowed out once it was down. To our surprise one of our humans was lying on the ground under the branch. Oh no! Here are pictures of it. It turned out he was just playing a trick on us.

Oh oh, Daddy's down!

Is he all right?


 Aw, he's just faking it!
Well, all jokes aside, we proceeded to inspect the branch thoroughly. It did have the scent of squirrel paws on it. Blah! We can’t wait to see what the next squirrel does when he finds out his main escape route has disappeared. It’s going to be so funny! To celebrate, we helped ourselves to a few of the delicious pears we’ve been protecting from those thieving squirrels all summer. Yum!


  
We smell squirrel paws.
After all that, we went inside and turned on the TV news. If only the solutions to the world’s problems were as easy as simply cutting down a branch! As I always say, send them squeaky toys. They will soon forget what they are so angry about. But somehow, killing a lot of people with poison gas seems too depraved and serious for even squeaky toys to solve. All I can think of now are cliches: two wrongs don’t make a right, damned if we do and damned if we don't, and try to choose the lesser of two evils. And that's a memo.

Where the heck is Ironing Board Man when you need him?


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