Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Squirrel-abuster

Good morning humans and doggies! This is a special morning edition of The Daily Bone, and I'm your energetic doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens.

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Wow! You know how much I like filibusters. It means someone can stand up and talk about something for as long as he wants and everybody else has to listen. There is a politician guy who is doing just that right now. He’s been going for over twenty hours and counting. He is against the Affordable Care Act and is reciting all the problems with it. I’m not sure what green eggs and ham have to do with it, but he mentioned them too. Sounds yummy to me, and since I’m color blind, I don’t care what color the food is. And I imagine that after talking for so long, he doesn’t care either. He even mentioned—and you can look up what he said if you don't believe me—that a camel hair brush is made out of squirrel fur! Bwahahahahaha! Why would a camel brush its hair with a squirrel anyway? Seriously, you can't even make this stuff up!

I have been carrying out my own filibuster against the Evil Squirrel Cartel, despite the fact that my colleague Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens has criticized me for barking up the wrong tree. Since the pears are now gone, the squirrels have been raiding the bird feeders with renewed determination, even though there are plenty of acorns and crab apples in the neighborhood for them. Somebody has to stand up for the little birdies. They need their seeds because they have to get fat so they can survive the winter. I made a promise to them: if you like your bird seeds, you can keep your bird seeds. If you like your bird feeder, your can keep your bird feeder. And if you like your humans who provide the bird seeds, you can keep them too. I intend to keep my promises. Soooooo, I will continue my efforts to keep those nasty seed-stealing bushy-tailed criminals stuck up in the big silver maple tree, and all the other trees in my yard for that matter, where they aren’t bothering the birdies, even if I have to stay outside and bark all day! And that’s a memo.

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