Wednesday, February 11, 2015

To Squee or Not To Squee

Hello. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your studious doggie host Chester L. W. Stephens along with my erudite associate Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens. 


Today we are doing a doggie logic treatise on human behavior. As you may have noticed lately, there’s a TV ad that’s been appearing on almost every commercial break that urges male humans to give a giant teddy bear to their favorite female human on Valentine’s day. Our ghostwriter says that if Dad ever got her that, she would punch him in the nose*. Yipes! However, other female humans would love to receive a giant teddy bear as a gift from their favorite male. What’s going on here? Joey dog and I did a bit of research and found out that regarding giant teddy bears, there are different types of humans. 

1. The squee type
2. The non-squee type 

The squee type will always be delighted by cute, stuffed animals, and will react to receiving a giant teddy bear by saying squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This will often be accompanied by a big smile, clapping, hugs and kisses, and sometimes a “come hither” facial expression. At least that’s what’s shown in the TV ad. The non-squee type thinks a giant teddy bear is for little children, and not an appropriate gift for an adult. We can tell by our ghostwriter’s facial expressions whenever that ad appears that she is the non-squee type. 

It’s interesting to note that both of these types will readily say squee when viewing and/or interacting with real doggies and kitties, especially puppies and kittens, and also small children. Often both types will participate happily in social media about pets. (There is a third type of human that never says squee about anything. We doggies call that type the Grrrrr-ump type.) 


Ghostwriter says many male humans are not adept at distinguishing if their favorite female human is the squee or the non-squee type. Or else they themselves are the squee type and can think of nothing better than giving a giant teddy bear as a gift to anyone for any occasion. Ghostwriter also says it is generally not acceptable human behavior to punch someone in the nose for such a gift. Dad, of course, knows the proper Valentine's gift comes from Stever's in Rochester NY. (Find them at: www.steverscandy.com ) In fact, it is proper human etiquette to say thank you and pretend you are grateful for the gift so as not to injure the giver’s ego. However, this creates a conundrum. What should the receiver of the giant teddy bear do with said toy? Fortunately the Double Doggie Homeland Security System has a answer.

FREE GIANT TEDDY BEAR SHREDDING SERVICE FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY**

So now you can have logical explanation for the destruction and disposal of the giant teddy bear. If you cannot send your giant teddy bear to us within this time period, never fear. We also offer a few creative excuses for how your giant teddy bear got destroyed or why it’s missing. 

1. It fell into the wood chipper machine.
2. The juggler I was watching dropped a chain saw on it. 
3. The Evil Squirrel Cartel took it and used it to line their winter headquarters. 
4. The (cat, dog, bunny, hamster, etc.) peed on it.
5. The (cat, dog, bunny, hamster, etc.) is using it as a bed. 
6. My car got stuck in the snow and I needed to use something for traction.
7. I donated it to the children’s hospital.
8. I gave it to a little child. 

We asked our human females what they would do if they received a giant teddy bear as a gift. Here are their answers: 


I said I wanted a blow torch for Valentine's day, Dan. A blow torch! 


The Kitten Overlord (Maddie Cat) does not allow other cute and fuzzy things in her domain. 
You don't wish to enrage the Kitten Overlord do you? I think not! 



That concludes our report. We wish you a wonderful Valentine’s experience, and hope our research aids you in your choice of gift. Meanwhile, we doggies have to get ready for our own Valentine’s extravaganza, the Heart-2-Heart doggie blog party. We are happy to announce that we each have a beautiful lady doggie who consented to accompany us. Joey will be going with the lovely and sophisticated Abby Lab from thebookofbarkley  while I will be taking the gorgeous Princess Leah from princessleahthecav Thank you and good night. 


*The opinions expressed are not necessarily the opinions of The Daily Bone. 

**Offer good from February 14 to February 20. 


addendum:

The proper recipient of giant teddy bears:

Made ya squeeeeeeee! 















21 comments:

  1. Our Mom would probably squee over a big stuffed teddy bear, but we know for sure she would squee over a new puppy:) Dad has two chances, one for Valentine's Day and one for the next day after that which is her birthday - we are pretty sure she won't get anything that comes close to a puppy:(

    Woos - Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning

    ReplyDelete
  2. Crikey ...... do blokes give gifts for Valentines Day????? My Mum's NEVER got a gift for Valentines day. Should she punch Dad in the nose?????????? I do have to stick up for him a bit. Valentines day has never, until just recently anyhow, been big in Australia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Usually flowers, chocolates, dinner at a fancy restaurant, and/or jewelry are the standard Valentine's Day gifts for grown-ups. At the very least, a romantic (read: schmaltzy) greeting card must be given.

      Delete
    2. Usually flowers, chocolates, dinner at a fancy restaurant, and/or jewelry are the standard Valentine's Day gifts for grown-ups. At the very least, a romantic (read: schmaltzy) greeting card must be given.

      Delete
    3. Crikey .... I'll tell Dad. He hasn't got much time left, aye???

      Delete
  3. Hi Chester and Joey Dog, our mom is definitely not the squeeee kind of girl. But my dad did see a four-foot high teddy bear at Walmart but didn't buy it because we would have destuffed it and spread its innards all over the house and my mom would have made my dad pick it all up. We hope that everyone has a fine Valentine's Day at your house.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Our Mom agrees with your Mom. The little person at the bottom of your post is who deserves giant teddy bears :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't knows..Ma squees at everythings, butts she thinks all a giant Teddy Bear would be is something else to clean, and would ultimately annoy her. I knows a fix to that...I could dead it! Oh, please, could you give that big fluffy bears to my Ma, so I could destuff it???? It would be a service to everyones! Well, except the wee lad...he might cry...never mind.
    How abouts a margarita??? They make FABulous VDay gifts!! ☺
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

    ReplyDelete
  6. BOL - my momma would like a regular size teddy bear, but not dat huge one on TV.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yup...growlmy squeed at the teddy bear in the last picture...wait...I mean she squeed at the young-unfur!!

    Happy Early Valentines greetings! You pups will have a great time.

    I am registered but have no 'date' so I will look fur wall flowers, they will be shy and purty to make a good match fur my boisterous rather almost elderly type, BOL!

    ReplyDelete
  8. No squee types here but I'd gladly de-stuff Big Bear just let me at him. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi, Chester and Joey! I found your blog though Charlie Downunder. My mom probably wouldn't mind a stuffed animal but I would REALLY like a stuffed animal. They're so much fun to throw around :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh Chester you are so right (as always!) I've been listening to the peeps and I'm certain Mum is a Stever's girlie and not a teddy bear one! But then she does know that ANY soft toy would inevitably become MINE!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I heard that our Miss Ginger was like that. Any fuzzy toy that came into the house was hers. Just like the tennis ball is always mine!

      Good luck with the fancy dress. But I don't think you need embellishments.

      Delete
  11. Bahahahaha! Love the ideas of getting rid of an unwanted giant teddy bear! I would add #9 - "I was trying to make sure it wasn't flammable and well, it burned.".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good one! Maybe we will burn it for some heat because it's freezing here today! Welcome to TDB, Blueberry. Great to meet you!

      Delete
  12. Mom told Dad that she didn't want flowers because they're expensive and they just die. He made her a dozen roses out of duct tape (in three colors). She loved them, but she IS the lady that had the Dr. Who Wedding cake last year.

    Abby the Lab

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mom told Dad that she didn't want flowers because they're expensive and they just die. He made her a dozen roses out of duct tape (in three colors). She loved them, but she IS the lady that had the Dr. Who Wedding cake last year.

    Abby the Lab

    ReplyDelete
  14. Our Mama says she would much rather have a camera lens, or maybe a trip to umm...anywhere, but NO TEDDY BEAR!!
    Smileys!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

    ReplyDelete
  15. However, other female humans would love to receive a giant teddy bear as a gift from their favorite male. What's going on here? Joey dog and I ... gteddybear.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete