Thursday, August 15, 2013

Food Fad, Fans, Forgetfulness, and Facial Reconstruction


Good evening. This is The Daily Bone, and I'm your humble doggie host Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens sitting in for Chester L. W. Stephens who is taking a nap right now. We have a few short subjects to discuss tonight, so I will start with my favorite thing: food.

We doggies both agree that humans sometimes do weird things. We cannot understand, however, why the humans like to take pictures of their food. This fad came about with the invention of the cell phone that had a camera in it. After taking a picture of the food, they post the photo on their social media so all their friends can see it. We doggies are well versed in the art of food watching when actual food is being consumed in our presence. But what good is looking at a picture of it if you can't smell it or get a taste of it? Very strange. Well, we don’t want to go against the latest trend, so here is a picture of our favorite doggie dinner. Doesn’t it look delicious? Crunchy meatballs, yum yum! We put Chester's favorite squeaky toy next to it for picturesque ambiance. He couldn't wait to start eating. But if you want any, you'll have to buy your own, or else come visit us at our house. But you'd better hurry before Chester eats it all up!





Next, we'd like to introduce everyone to another of our wonderful fans. Tricky cat lives with his two humans on a big mountain in Pennsylvania. He was a throw-away cat. Someone just left him on the side of the road when he was a little kitten. Can you imagine that? Fortunately, he found his way to the house where he lives now, and the humans there rescued him and took good care of him. Tricky is a very independent cat, and does not like to be picked up and petted much. But he takes good care of his humans and helped them through a lot of tough times. Tricky is also very smart and can tell time. If he happens to go outside to explore the woods, he always comes back home before eleven o’clock. He expects his humans to be just as punctual and gets angry when they don’t come home on time. Wow, I wish we doggies could tell time! Every day for the past week we find a half eaten pear from our pear tree on the ground with squirrel bite marks on it. We think this blatant invasion of our territory occurs early in the morning. But we have yet to catch this felon in the act because we never seem to wake up early enough. Maybe Tricky can teach us how to set an alarm clock. Thank you Tricky for being one of our earliest fans! 



Now it's time for the political portion of this evening's presentation. We just heard that it cost the taxpayers $11,000 an hour to fly the president’s doggie, Bo, on a special Osprey jet to join him and his family on vacation. You mean the president forgot to take his doggie on vacation with him? Forgot him?!! That is absolutely unthinkable! How long was this poor doggie left all alone in that big, scary white house? Chester and I are barking and howling in outrage! Shame on you for forgetting your doggie, and then spending THAT much of the taxpayers’ squeaky toys to correct your mistake. Shame on you for using up THAT much fuel. We thought you were against the wasteful burning of things like jet fuel because of the effect on the environment. I’m sure that Bo is hiding his face in shame, and it’s not even his fault! 
 
Grrrrrrrrrr!
Our final story is about humans getting plastic surgery for their doggies. All I can say is, deal with your own insecurities and don’t transfer them to your poor doggie! Chester and I can assure you that doggies don't care at all if they have crooked ears, or an overbite (like Chester has) or lumps and bumps; and we definitely don't care if you have saggy jowls, and wrinkles either! If you have $10,000 to waste on making your doggie’s ears more pointy, send it to your nearest animal shelter instead. And that's a memo.

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