Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Loopy Politics, Pork Chops, and Squeaky Toys

Hello everybody. This is The Daily Bone, and I'm your humble and confused doggie host, Chester L. W. Stephens, chairman of the Squeaky Party. Remember, squeaky toys will save the world. Squeaky toys. Got that? Squeaky toys.

Once again politics has thrown me for a loop. Several loops, actually. The fighting between the Democrats and the Republicans goes on and on and nothing gets accomplished. It seems all they care about is how to get more votes in the next election. The humans have invented a gigantic mess for themselves, and they aren’t listening to any of my good ideas, or common sense even. I give up. The Squeaky Party has gone home.

Pork barrel spending. It took me a while to figure out what this is. I used to think it had something to do with bacon or sausages or barbecue ribs. Doesn’t Congress have more important things to do than decide if they want a ham or a bologna sandwich for lunch today? But really it’s kind of like bribery. Each politician will vote for a bill only if there is something in it for him and his own district, like money to build a statue of himself, or a bullet train to nowhere, or a bridge or a road or something. By the time everybody votes, the bill will have so much pork that it will collapse under it’s own weight and no one will be able to understand it. There must be a better way to do things. Bills ought to have to do with right and wrong without the hotdogs and sauerkraut!
 
Say, what ever happened to the Sequester? Has everybody forgotten about it? Wow, planes are falling out of the sky, just like the president said they would. Yet he spent a hundred million dollars flying around Africa—in a plane of all things!—promising to give out even more of our hard earned money. It certainly doesn’t seem like he is curbing spending in any discernible way. I think I’ll just keep sequestering my squeaky toys in preparation for the inevitable disaster, and hope an airplane doesn’t fall on me! Oh, by the way, I decided I wasn’t going to spend any more time worrying about sorting out all my squeaky toys that someone tied together. I’ll just consider it consolidation of my assets. Hopefully they won’t get sucked into that big, bottomless debt hole.

What’s up with the “nuclear option?” It seems to be the new buzz word. I thought everyone was against nuclear weapons, and nuclear power too for that matter. Now someone wants to blow up a bomb in Washington? Maybe I’d better start watching those end of the world (again) movies and try to figure out how to survive this scenario. But you know, maybe blowing up Washington might not be such a bad idea. (Perhaps those movies are really comedies!) I wish for once, somebody would use my great idea of filling those nuclear bombs with squeaky toys. Imagine that: politicians and a squeaky toy bomb. Squeaky toys and politics. Politics and squeaky toys. And squeaky toys. Squeaky toys. Wonderful, fun squeaky toys. And that's a memo.  


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