Friday, December 6, 2013

Droned Out

Good afternoon. I am Chester L. W. Stephens, your dutiful doggie host, and you’ve tuned into The Daily Bone.
Well, ladies and gentlemen and doggies, pretty soon all of the junk we order online will be delivered by drones. Just what we need: the used squeaky toy we got on ebay will be delivered right to our door by a little helicopter flying machine within thirty minutes. Thank goodness we will never have to sit around biting our nails for three to seven days waiting for the USPS to deliver the Cocker Spaniel Puppies calendar we ordered from Amazon! Wow, my copy of Barking Dogs Jingle Bells, that I ordered at the last minute, will get here before Christmas! (I wonder what the shipping cost will be?)

My practical minded associate Joseph (Joey dog) Stephens and I had a discussion about this. We came up with a few problems. First, considering the number of things humans buy online, the skies would soon be filled with millions of these drones. Imagine the noise they would make! Imagine the terror and confusion battalions of drones would cause for unsuspecting birds everywhere. We also wonder if these drones will be affected by bad weather, which we have a lot of here in Western New York. Just think about what would happen if a big storm suddenly rolled in from Lake Ontario and mixed up those millions of drones. What a mess! I don’t think I would ever want to go outside again. What if they got stuck in the trees? What if they smash through the windows, or into cars while they’re driving, or kids on their bikes? If there are enough of them, they might cause their own kind of climate change by blocking out the sun. Oh no! This is way too frightening for us doggies. We’re going to go hide under the bed now. And that’s a memo.

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