Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Zen of Food Watching

Good evening. This is The Daily Bone and I’m your humble doggie host Joseph (Joey dog ) Stephens filling in for Chester L. W. Stephens, who couldn’t think of anything to write about tonight.

The subject today is food. As founder of the local Yum Yum Coalition, I believe food is the most important thing in the world, although my squeaky toy obsessed associate might disagree. You can’t eat squeaky toys, however much Chester might say to the contrary. They are obviously not digestible, as evidenced by doggie poops containing brightly colored bits of squeaky toy fuzz that appear regularly in the back yard. Knowing this, I still can't figure out how he has managed to become several pounds overweight!

Our humans spend a great deal of time shopping for, preparing, and eating food. It has always been my job to make sure none of it goes to waste. I’m continually scanning for food that has fallen to the floor. I also dutifully remind my humans whenever there is unattended food on the counter. Heaven knows what would happen to it if left by itself.

I monitor what goes into the compost pile too. I don’t understand why my humans would throw perfectly good vegetable peels, wilted cabbage leaves, and apple cores in there. I usually eat anything like that so it doesn’t attract invaders from the Bunny Militia, or miscreant Mousies. I made the mistake of trying to eat a moldy jalapeno the other day, but mostly I have no ill effects from compost goodies except for a bit of gas. Everybody should start a compost pile. It’s helps the environment, and creates good dirt in which you can grow more yum yums!

I am still tutoring my distraction prone associate, Chester, the proper art of food watching. He shows a lot of interest, but doesn’t always keep his mind on his work. He has been know to bolt outside to pursue squirrels or other criminals while there is food on the table. He obviously has his priorities mixed up. He doesn’t assume the proper sitting position while food watching, and has even been caught sleeping on the job! He has a lot to learn about manners too. The well behaved doggie never jumps up to sniff the food without permission, and never barks or grumbles when treats are not provided immediately as a reward for his zen-like self control. You have a lot to learn, grasshopper. And that’s a memo.

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